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Brandon Ocampo
126 Windcroft Lane NW
Acworth GA 30101
Born: June 13th, 1994
Height: 5′ 5″ (1.65 m)
Weight: 181 lb (82 kg)
Brandon Ocampo, known as AssburgerRap, is a failed YouTube rapper and Uber driver whose crowning achievement in life so far has been getting arrested for beating his girlfriend until blood was decorating several walls.
This shining example of manhood, stricken with male pattern baldness, alcoholism, obesity, and a burning
Normally, stories are best told linearly, however, since Assburger is most known for winning a boxing match against a fleeing woman (2-0, baby!), we'll start with that.
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Original Brandon "AssBurger" Ocampo arrest announcement from Tyler "Mumkey Jones" Millard:
The short of it is that Brandon and Jackie relapsed and at some point Brandon began beating her and was then attempting to smash down the attic door as she frantically called Mumkey and Sheepover for help. Being in a different state, Sheepover called the police while Mumkey stayed on the line with Jackie. About a day after the incident, Jackie began blaming Mumkey for calling the police against her wishes and proceeded to dox him and Sheepover, leading to the arrest video.
On August 2nd, 2019, Mumkey released an update in which he states that he had been keeping what he knew about the start of the night's violence private. According to Mumkey, Jackie told him Assburger raped her at the start of the night.
Rekeita's stream going over the immediate legal implications of the Nov 23rd, 2018 incident:
List of charges:
There's a long bit of silence as AssBurger is too busy with his legal troubles and mandatory rehab to LARP as a rapper on the internet. He reappears on Feb 12th, 2019 and in characteristic fashion, his ego is unable to accept the fact that he's a women beater. He instead decides that Mumkey lied about what was going on while he was blackout drunk and that he's really an innocent victim in all this:
When confronted with evidence in an ongoing legal matter, Brandon decided the smart thing to do was delete it:
On March 2nd, 2019, Mumkey tweets out that AssBurger has sent several DMCAs against his videos on Vimeo out of spite:
In response, Mumkey announces that he's going to auction off all of the kitchenware AssBurger left behind and donate the money to a domestic violence charity if Brandon doesn't pick it up:
AssBurger and his battered wife to be, Jackie, try claiming that Mumkey swatted them by calling the police and claim to be interested in pursuing legal action:
The short of it is that Brandon and Jackie relapsed and at some point Brandon began beating her and was then attempting to smash down the attic door as she frantically called Mumkey and Sheepover for help. Being in a different state, Sheepover called the police while Mumkey stayed on the line with Jackie. About a day after the incident, Jackie began blaming Mumkey for calling the police against her wishes and proceeded to dox him and Sheepover, leading to the arrest video.
On August 2nd, 2019, Mumkey released an update in which he states that he had been keeping what he knew about the start of the night's violence private. According to Mumkey, Jackie told him Assburger raped her at the start of the night.
Rekeita's stream going over the immediate legal implications of the Nov 23rd, 2018 incident:
List of charges:
There's a long bit of silence as AssBurger is too busy with his legal troubles and mandatory rehab to LARP as a rapper on the internet. He reappears on Feb 12th, 2019 and in characteristic fashion, his ego is unable to accept the fact that he's a women beater. He instead decides that Mumkey lied about what was going on while he was blackout drunk and that he's really an innocent victim in all this:
When confronted with evidence in an ongoing legal matter, Brandon decided the smart thing to do was delete it:
On March 2nd, 2019, Mumkey tweets out that AssBurger has sent several DMCAs against his videos on Vimeo out of spite:
In response, Mumkey announces that he's going to auction off all of the kitchenware AssBurger left behind and donate the money to a domestic violence charity if Brandon doesn't pick it up:
AssBurger and his battered wife to be, Jackie, try claiming that Mumkey swatted them by calling the police and claim to be interested in pursuing legal action:
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In a perfect demonstration of no good deed going unpunished or rather why you should never involve yourself with a YouTube spinster as close to 30 as you are to 20, Miss Stockholm proceeded to dox Mumkey's name, address, and phone number while claiming he was screwing his (nonexistent) sister in her discord. Now in the interest of fairness, she now claims that she was extremely drunk when she made the statement and was in fact trying to say that he likes having women roleplay as his sister during sex.
Brandon "Make sure that bitch has two black eyes before she dies" Ocampo then proceeded to display the self awareness drunks are legendary for and complained about Mumkey doxing him by showing the arrest record, while claiming Jackie only shared Mumkey's first name.
Additionally, he and Jackie are now pushing the narrative that something triggered his PTSD, causing him to have some sort of flashback and he wasn't really trying to beat Jackie but some other girl.
Now, how this is supposed to make anything better, no one seems to be too sure but we clearly haven't watched the amount of Rick and Morty this towering intellect has.
That editing note is from Rusty Cage, by the way.
Brandon "Make sure that bitch has two black eyes before she dies" Ocampo then proceeded to display the self awareness drunks are legendary for and complained about Mumkey doxing him by showing the arrest record, while claiming Jackie only shared Mumkey's first name.
Additionally, he and Jackie are now pushing the narrative that something triggered his PTSD, causing him to have some sort of flashback and he wasn't really trying to beat Jackie but some other girl.
Now, how this is supposed to make anything better, no one seems to be too sure but we clearly haven't watched the amount of Rick and Morty this towering intellect has.
That editing note is from Rusty Cage, by the way.
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Like most manchildren, Brandon's laundry list of issues originates from his childhood, where he claims he "never felt love" (Sonic 2 LP - 4:35:57). Coming from a well off family - his mother was a NYPD officer and his father was a federal judge - his parents decided to home school him, resulting in his lack of socialization, anxiety, and feelings of isolation, according to Brandon (Sonic 2 LP - 4:21:57). They finally decided to sent him to public school at the age of 16 to force him to interact with other human beings, resulting in him having his first non-familial hug (sometime in the next year or two). Being the bright boy he is, Brandon then falls in love with and tries to fuck a lesbian, (in a case of "limerence," as he describes it). His obsessive and suicidal behavior gets to the point that she's forced out of the closet (Sonic 2 LP - 4:39:47).
This resulted in him doing what every creatively bankrupt young incel seems to be doing lately and shittily reenact the crawlspace scene from Breaking Bad, as his future friend Mumkey would do years later. Out of pity, the lesbian eventually agreed to a movie date, which ended with her sitting with her friends she had invited and him sitting alone (Sonic 2 LP - 5:02:57).
A good summary of Brandon's self-worth would be the following quote: "The value I have on myself is determined by whether or not somebody [romantically] loves me." (Sonic 2 LP - 4:35:20). This goes a far ways towards explaining why his life is mostly defined by his relationship towards women.
The next significant relationship in his life was his worst. This was where he had his first kiss and lost his virginity on the same night, at the age of 19, to a morbidly obese girl while living in Germany. After a short, unpleasant experience, Brandon freaked out upon realizing his virgin girlfriend was a bleeder, causing her to run off to cry in the bathroom. According to Brandon, once she had calmed down, she emerged with two razor blades saying she was ready to die after giving him her virginity, which is perhaps not the most unreasonable response to the realization you've slept with Assburger. At the sight of this, he tries wrestling the blades away, failing to do so for several minutes.
In an act that will certainly never be be repeated again, Brandon then proceeded to punch the girl in the face to end the situation (Sonic 2 LP - 3:35:21). She would later go on to be the cause of his drinking problem as well as cuck him after he paid for her college, food, and rent (Sonic 2 LP - 4:57:16). After they first broke up, she sent a video of herself swallowing pills and disappeared for a month before reestablishing contact. Being the self-respecting man that he is, he decided to date her again for a month before sobering up.
This resulted in him doing what every creatively bankrupt young incel seems to be doing lately and shittily reenact the crawlspace scene from Breaking Bad, as his future friend Mumkey would do years later. Out of pity, the lesbian eventually agreed to a movie date, which ended with her sitting with her friends she had invited and him sitting alone (Sonic 2 LP - 5:02:57).
A good summary of Brandon's self-worth would be the following quote: "The value I have on myself is determined by whether or not somebody [romantically] loves me." (Sonic 2 LP - 4:35:20). This goes a far ways towards explaining why his life is mostly defined by his relationship towards women.
The next significant relationship in his life was his worst. This was where he had his first kiss and lost his virginity on the same night, at the age of 19, to a morbidly obese girl while living in Germany. After a short, unpleasant experience, Brandon freaked out upon realizing his virgin girlfriend was a bleeder, causing her to run off to cry in the bathroom. According to Brandon, once she had calmed down, she emerged with two razor blades saying she was ready to die after giving him her virginity, which is perhaps not the most unreasonable response to the realization you've slept with Assburger. At the sight of this, he tries wrestling the blades away, failing to do so for several minutes.
In an act that will certainly never be be repeated again, Brandon then proceeded to punch the girl in the face to end the situation (Sonic 2 LP - 3:35:21). She would later go on to be the cause of his drinking problem as well as cuck him after he paid for her college, food, and rent (Sonic 2 LP - 4:57:16). After they first broke up, she sent a video of herself swallowing pills and disappeared for a month before reestablishing contact. Being the self-respecting man that he is, he decided to date her again for a month before sobering up.
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About 5 - 6 months after having finally dumped the old, mostly long distance, girlfriend, Brandon falls madly in love with a new girl - who he immediately begins dumping all of his emotional baggage onto to make sure this trashfire starts off on the right foot. Unable to contain his belief that her (and every girlfriend from this point forward) cheating on him was inevitable, he admits to attempting to control what she wore and who she was friends with. This, it should be noted is separate from the sexual aspect of their relationship, which he describes as a "deep lore BDSM relationship" wherein the two of them signed contracts as if this were Fifty Shades of Grey, just with the dark and mysterious billionaire replaced by a 21 year old 5'5", 200lb, balding Mexican.
Despite seeing two therapists, one for the duration of the relationship, the things fall apart in 2017. Shockingly, Brandon leaving phone calls screaming that he's going to kill himself and begging her not to leave him have the opposite effect as his girlfriend tells him that she's had to sneak around to continue seeing her friends, that his inability to function as a human being had ruined their sexual relationship, and that she doesn't believe that he can ever change. This of course leads to a suicide attempt by a distraught Assburger, who, being incapable of original thought, copies his former girlfriend and downs any surrounding pills he can get his hands on (Sonic 2 LP - 3:43:00). His family and friends continue to support him during this time.
Rather than taking this as an opportunity to focus on self-improvement, our women's boxing champion in the making decides that the solution to his problem of women not wanting anything to do with them is to simply "treat them like shit" (Sonic 2 LP - 5:25:51). This leads to him becoming a self-described 'unironically misogynististic' person who proceeds to treat every woman he encounters the way his previous girlfriends have treated him for several months until his new gal pal, Jackie, helps him detox from the alcohol (you'll notice she's had plenty of experience in this area if you watch the Asterios video in the "Chainsawjack_" chapter, 2 sections below).
Despite seeing two therapists, one for the duration of the relationship, the things fall apart in 2017. Shockingly, Brandon leaving phone calls screaming that he's going to kill himself and begging her not to leave him have the opposite effect as his girlfriend tells him that she's had to sneak around to continue seeing her friends, that his inability to function as a human being had ruined their sexual relationship, and that she doesn't believe that he can ever change. This of course leads to a suicide attempt by a distraught Assburger, who, being incapable of original thought, copies his former girlfriend and downs any surrounding pills he can get his hands on (Sonic 2 LP - 3:43:00). His family and friends continue to support him during this time.
Rather than taking this as an opportunity to focus on self-improvement, our women's boxing champion in the making decides that the solution to his problem of women not wanting anything to do with them is to simply "treat them like shit" (Sonic 2 LP - 5:25:51). This leads to him becoming a self-described 'unironically misogynististic' person who proceeds to treat every woman he encounters the way his previous girlfriends have treated him for several months until his new gal pal, Jackie, helps him detox from the alcohol (you'll notice she's had plenty of experience in this area if you watch the Asterios video in the "Chainsawjack_" chapter, 2 sections below).
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(Sonic 2 LP - 5:41:04)
Once they were together and detoxed, a clearly changed and rejuvenated Assburger decided to start things off right again by making it clear he fully intends to kill himself as soon as she leaves him, reestablishing a similar dynamic to her last relationship.
(Sonic 2 LP - 5:44:34)
She's his second girlfriend in four months at this point, for reference (Sonic 2 LP - 3:51:50).
(Sonic 2 LP - 5:43:25)
Despite being in his 20s, he's completely incapable of handling a relationship ending like an adult.
"The best case scenario you can hope for is that Jackie gets murdered."
(Sonic 2 LP - 5:45:45)
(Sonic 2 LP - 5:48:25)
Given his revenge fetish, his favorite movie is Law Abiding Citizen for a reason, it's ironic that he would be the one seemingly requiring revenge against himself in this instance. Also, this clip raises a few questions about his fitness as a baby sitter.
(Law Abiding Citizen Kino - 2:23)
This would all lead to the night of the arrest and subsequent court-mandated separation of our Smirnoff-crossed lovers, at least until the end of the trial.
With Brandon planning to make his 'triumphant' return in August, we can only hope his new direction takes inspiration from Tupac rather than Chris Brown this time.
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List of Assburger's accounts:
Youtube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9JL4xPbFhuuGX-crupUrmA (https://archive.fo/ZvlyO) (Second channel, first was flagged during Mumkey's PCP drama by DigiBro fans)
Twitter - https://twitter.com/AssBurgerRap (https://archive.fo/DJV7S)
Twitch - https://www.twitch.tv/assburgerrap
Bandcamp - https://assburger.bandcamp.com/ (https://archive.fo/bIyCM)
Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/ABRmusic (https://archive.fo/Cf4fc)
Reddit - https://www.reddit.com/user/Ass-Burger-Rap/ (https://archive.fo/uWF6s)
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Brandon Ocampo
1509 Monterey Parkway
Atlanta, GA 30350
Born: June 13th, 1994
Height: 5′ 5″ (1.65 m)
Weight: 181 lb (82 kg)
1509 Monterey Parkway
Atlanta, GA 30350
Born: June 13th, 1994
Height: 5′ 5″ (1.65 m)
Weight: 181 lb (82 kg)
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Chainsawjack_
"The most gorgeous person I've ever dated." - Assburger, in a statement that's clearly not saying much.
Jacqueline Anderson
126 Windcroft Lane NW
Acworth GA 30101
Born: February 12th, 1990
Most logical people by this point would be asking how on earth any functioning human being would be so desperately clinging to this romantic Titanic. The answer is simple, Jackie is just as much of a trainwreck as Brandon. Her former boyfriend, Ben Saint, accuses her of suicide-bating, to coerce him to do what she wanted during their relationship (Sonic 2 LP - 3:52:10). Unfortunately, Jackie's 9 part autobiographical video series, "The Incarceration Tales," seems to be lost along with the channel she used to operate with Ben Saint, named "Jackie and Ben's College Fund," prior to their very public and messy breakup.
However, one person seems to have taken the time to not only watch but produce a video review containing a brief synopsis of the events of the series back in 2018. Despite their name being Kokinos Junkpile (https://archive.fo/nekUt) that person has no relation to @asterios.
Timestamps
03:22 - Incarceration Tales describes Jackie's descent into alcoholism during her teenage years.
03:27 - Jackie's an alcoholic quote.
04:04 - She was in and out of rehab.
04:33 - She's been in and out at least 7 times as of the series.
05:10 - "There's a point where she's trying to kill herself just so she doesn't have to go to jail... she tried to smash her head on the pavement of the street."
05:25 - "There's a point where she's prostituting herself just to be able to get some alcohol."
05:36 - "She was desperate for love, desperate to feel loved because she never felt loved by anyone."
05:44 - "Even if a guy would say as much as "I love you," she would instantly fall in love with him and want to be with him."
06:26 - Series is 9 videos long, each about 40 minutes.
07:04 - "It seems like it's impossible for her to get out because she just keeps on doing it over and over again."
07:41 - A point where her parents throw her out of the house and she lived with men who would give her alcohol for 'favors.'
08:22 - The series covers a decade of her life.
09:07 - "She was actually going to try to kill herself because she didn't want to go to jail for 2 years. She walked through the woods with a noose looking for a branch sturdy enough."
09:31 - "Then she found out she actually wasn't going to jail."
From the bottom two highlighted timestamps above, it becomes painfully obvious how much Assburger and Jackie truly compliment one another's various insecurities and neuroses. Both are extremely insecure, both never felt loved despite their families' best efforts, and both have a tendency to fall near-instantly and madly in love with the first person to give them the time of day when single. These are the foundations of a relationship that's not just explosive but nuclear. Mumkey may not be the only one with a dead pool eventually. At least Jackie and Brandon both share a passion for pill-based suicide methods (https://archive.fo/CGY2Y).
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List of Jackie's accounts:
Youtube - https://www.youtube.com/user/JiltedForeverAndEver (https://archive.fo/jhqtm)
Twitter - https://twitter.com/HamburglarJ (https://archive.fo/WES0a)
Twitch - https://www.twitch.tv/chainsawjack_
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/halfjack0212/
Deviant Art - https://www.deviantart.com/halfjack0212 (https://archive.fo/Btti4)
Reddit - https://www.reddit.com/user/halfjack0212 (https://archive.fo/1fhv3)
Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/halfjack0212
Other YTs
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsTf_PpPM3UIBLcoXxugiKw (https://archive.fo/rCIyU)
https://www.youtube.com/user/slapjackrock (https://archive.fo/GLJdY)
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After their former friend, Tyler "Mumkey Jones" Millard, went off the deep end (resulting in his own triple digit thread and his former girlfriend, Sheepover largely abandoning public activity on the internet), Assburger saw a prime opportunity to make his return and attempt to control the narrative with Tyler functionally incapacitating himself due to his own self-destructive tendencies. Assburger made his first public appearance in 8 months on FNGR's stream for a couple of minutes to say he'd be making a comeback, claim that the cookware Tyler tried to auction was only worth around $100, to try walking back his previous behavior as being part of his old persona, and to state he's been good boy following the conditions of his release.
The part about following the terms of his release is the interesting tidbit. A few months prior, Assburger posted a picture of his Alcoholics Anonymous sobriety chips. The thing with AA is that it's entirely down to self-reporting and Assburger has also previously gone on several rants about how much of an ineffective joke he considers it.
Something that he neglected to mention is that he nearly ended up back in jail after failing to report for his scheduled screening for two days (April 23 and 24, 2019) in a row, violating his release conditions. This resulted in him having to undergo a bond revocation hearing on May 8th, as can be seen from the court document below. At least he's keeping things interesting for his attorney.
Currently, it would appear he's on the "self awareness" portion of his cycle, the intervening period between meltdowns.
In the meantime, in between working with Assburger's parents and her own trying to get the charges against him dropped, Jackie's kept herself occupied attacking Mumkey and Sheepover.
Assburger announcing the case has been dropped:
The part about following the terms of his release is the interesting tidbit. A few months prior, Assburger posted a picture of his Alcoholics Anonymous sobriety chips. The thing with AA is that it's entirely down to self-reporting and Assburger has also previously gone on several rants about how much of an ineffective joke he considers it.
Something that he neglected to mention is that he nearly ended up back in jail after failing to report for his scheduled screening for two days (April 23 and 24, 2019) in a row, violating his release conditions. This resulted in him having to undergo a bond revocation hearing on May 8th, as can be seen from the court document below. At least he's keeping things interesting for his attorney.
Currently, it would appear he's on the "self awareness" portion of his cycle, the intervening period between meltdowns.
In the meantime, in between working with Assburger's parents and her own trying to get the charges against him dropped, Jackie's kept herself occupied attacking Mumkey and Sheepover.
Assburger announcing the case has been dropped:
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After proving money really can buy happiness freedom, Jackie decided to release a video blaming Mumkey for the relapse that lead to the events of that night.
In response, Mumkey decided to bring this digital telenovela to it's next level. He released all of his messages with Jackie, stated she told him that Assburger raped her the night of his arrest night, and proceeded to challenge her to bring him to court if she has an issue with his statements.
Sheepover also disputed Jackie's video:
In response, Mumkey decided to bring this digital telenovela to it's next level. He released all of his messages with Jackie, stated she told him that Assburger raped her the night of his arrest night, and proceeded to challenge her to bring him to court if she has an issue with his statements.
Sheepover also disputed Jackie's video:
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Additional Notes
- If you'd like to look at the case files of Brandon "I'll strangle that whore just once more" Ocampo yourself, you can find the documents at: https://ctsearch.cobbsuperiorcourtclerk.com/ (enter Case #: 19901754).
- Copies of the police report have not been obtained yet. Due to this being a domestic violence incident, anyone wishing to obtain a copy will have to fill out the attached "Incident_Report_Request_Form.pdf " and submit an ID. Additionally, the way the (now separated) happy couple focused on trying to discredit the police report really makes it seem damning.
- Archives of Jackie's, now purged, Incarceration Tales (along with information on her relationship with Ben Saint) are still sought.
The Sonic 2 LP for reference:
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