Ethan Ralph what if? - Random updates, other off-topic questions, happenings, and favourite killstream moments.

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naught

I'm going to unlock all the achievements.
kiwifarms.net
I just had a thought: What exactly does Ralph do after the show? Everyone knows he stays up until morning, sleeps until the afternoon, then does his show. He has no hobbies, doesn't read, I don't think he watches TV. Definitely doesn't play video games.

I think he has a crippling porn addiction. I'm not talking about "lol jcaesar187 :biggrin:DDDD!" I mean the guy gets drunk and spends eight hours on pornhub until he falls asleep crying at what he has become. This would explain why his entire life outside of the show is a black hole. All we know of him is when he seethes on Twitter or, more recently, shows up at these IRL events where he makes a complete fool of himself, often involving his perversions. I used to think he spent all his time on twitter or discord but it just doesn't add up.
Messages his e-gfs
Checks /cow/ 8kun
Refreshes his farms page (board)
Browses pornhub
Steals pills
Stumbles around looking for alcohol
Re lives his "glory days" when metokur appeared on his show


Are there any pictures of Ralph's room?

Almost every other cow has done a house tour

Based on the cans.wav I'd guess it looks like a room someone would post on 4 or 8chan
 

ElAbominacion

😭😭😭😭😤😤
kiwifarms.net
Think you can elaborate? I thought Ralph's show and by extension him were popular during Bouldergate so for him to be less liked after Gamergate is interesting to me.
The more notoriety you get, the more hated you inadvertently are. Ethan Ralph was at best annoying and inconvenient during the GamerGate era, another in a throng of joiners and entryist losers who thought themselves the leader of what was essentially an allergic reaction to faggotry. I'd rate him to be on par with the Californian feminist bitch who took up the mantle of Vivian James to fuck with 4chan.

As time passes, he becomes more known, until he stabilizes as a kind of shitty z-list e-celeb name. He gets invited to other shitty talk shows like Dick's and Warski's, attaining further notoriety and since he is not one to make friends but rather to make enemies, he starts drawing a lot of attention to his antics, culminating with the Pillstream.

And now the Internet is positively sure that he is a trash heap in the shape of a man, a living and breathing sewage pipe made of human flesh and bone with no real purpose in life and with no worthwhile contributions to society in the three wretched decades of existence that he's managed to eke out thus far.
 

naught sock account 1

KILL COUNT: 3
kiwifarms.net
What if Ralph injected heroin into his grundle?
a pillstream would be inevitable.

This is a question that occurred to me.

Is Ralph hated now more than ever before?

On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being absolutely hated, how would you rate the hatred the web has towards Ralph during:

Gamergate
Bouldergate
Pillstream 1.0
Now?
in betwixt gamergate and bouldergate there's Internet bloodsports...
with the way he came onto this site I'd say has always been a nuisance.
the people who hate him are either disgruntled fans gunt guards, or because of the way he would try to play into /cow/ by shitting on sargon and derailing the cyclical.
 

MeltyTW

kiwifarms.net
i just had the best and most likely schizo theory ive ever had after 72 hours no sleep, the fucking gunt is a literal cuckold. he wanted to abort the retort because faith did something left out of the leaks that made it extremely likely that eathan cuckover ralph is not the father. thats why the paternity test joke from pantsu, thats what the revenge theory faith put forth was over, thats why ethan ralph wanted desperately to smother the life out of "his" bastard childs eyes. the gunt is cucked the retort isnt his!

side note ethan do pro wrestling youd unironically be excellent as a heel it would end your financial troubles youd be in the wwe uppercard in fucking no time and before you go "oh well ill have to play a coward thats not ralpha" remember it was good enough for flair and got him critical acclaim
 
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FM Bradley

Pussy Dryer
kiwifarms.net
side note ethan do pro wrestling youd unironically be excellent as a heel it would end your financial troubles youd be in the wwe uppercard in fucking no time and before you go "oh well ill have to play a coward thats not ralpha" remember it was good enough for flair and got him critical acclaim
Gunt would have been an absolute Hall of Fame old-school pro wrestling manager. Without question. Southern asshole with questionable morals? Check. Gets fired up and screams interminably while red-faced when prodded? Check. Of all Gunt's missteps in life, him not joining the business is the biggest IMO.

Professional wrestling has a deep, rich history of Southern assholes being complete degenerates simply to occupy themselves during all hours not spent in the ring. It's actually a very boring, lonely life, in between the plane flights, car rides and endless anonymous hotel rooms. The "ribbing" culture came from these guys playing pranks on each other at all times, to varying degrees depending on the individuals.

F'rinstance, on the low end, you had much beloved nice guy Beautiful Bobby Eaton tying a knot in the end of your soda straw so that when you came back and grabbed your drink, you nearly sucked your brain through your ear tubes. In the middle, you had a guy like Owen Hart calling your hotel room pretending to be an irate fan, sending you downstairs to the hotel lobby at 2am ready to fistfight a figment of your imagination. Or you had flat-out awful shit like Mr. Fuji stealing someones dog, cooking it, and feeding it to the owner. This all simply to pass the time and amuse themselves.*

Of course, these days, WWE does not allow most of this bullshit due to HR/PR concerns, and now the performers have smart phones and video games to occupy them, and there's no room for a Ralphamale there. Back in the heyday, of multiple competing wrestling promotions and whatnot, he would have been a shoo-in.

There is a .txt archive of a thread from the old Death Valley Driver messageboard. It was yeeted due to legal concerns in '05 or '06, but it was an assembled catalog of all the horrible, shitty, scummy things pro wrestlers were known to have allegedly done (and it didn't even include Buck "Rock 'n' Roll" Zumhofe reconnecting with his long-lost teenage daughter and then fucking her brains out while pimping her out in his wrestling shows as "The Virgin.") If you are a wrestling fan, it's a .txt worthy of perusal.

This. This is the world that Ethan Ralph should have inhabited.

*No one would have ribbed the Gunt, though. They only rib folks that people like.
 

Vetti

stupid
Local Moderator
kiwifarms.net
This is a question that occurred to me.

Is Ralph hated now more than ever before?

On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being absolutely hated, how would you rate the hatred the web has towards Ralph during:

Gamergate
Bouldergate
Pillstream 1.0
Now?

I still don't "hate" Ralph. Watching him fail is good entertainment but I don't dislike him more passionately than I would most other people.
 

MeltyTW

kiwifarms.net
Gunt would have been an absolute Hall of Fame old-school pro wrestling manager. Without question. Southern asshole with questionable morals? Check. Gets fired up and screams interminably while red-faced when prodded? Check. Of all Gunt's missteps in life, him not joining the business is the biggest IMO.

Professional wrestling has a deep, rich history of Southern assholes being complete degenerates simply to occupy themselves during all hours not spent in the ring. It's actually a very boring, lonely life, in between the plane flights, car rides and endless anonymous hotel rooms. The "ribbing" culture came from these guys playing pranks on each other at all times, to varying degrees depending on the individuals.

F'rinstance, on the low end, you had much beloved nice guy Beautiful Bobby Eaton tying a knot in the end of your soda straw so that when you came back and grabbed your drink, you nearly sucked your brain through your ear tubes. In the middle, you had a guy like Owen Hart calling your hotel room pretending to be an irate fan, sending you downstairs to the hotel lobby at 2am ready to fistfight a figment of your imagination. Or you had flat-out awful shit like Mr. Fuji stealing someones dog, cooking it, and feeding it to the owner. This all simply to pass the time and amuse themselves.*

Of course, these days, WWE does not allow most of this bullshit due to HR/PR concerns, and now the performers have smart phones and video games to occupy them, and there's no room for a Ralphamale there. Back in the heyday, of multiple competing wrestling promotions and whatnot, he would have been a shoo-in.

There is a .txt archive of a thread from the old Death Valley Driver messageboard. It was yeeted due to legal concerns in '05 or '06, but it was an assembled catalog of all the horrible, shitty, scummy things pro wrestlers were known to have allegedly done (and it didn't even include Buck "Rock 'n' Roll" Zumhofe reconnecting with his long-lost teenage daughter and then fucking her brains out while pimping her out in his wrestling shows as "The Virgin.") If you are a wrestling fan, it's a .txt worthy of perusal.

This. This is the world that Ethan Ralph should have inhabited.

*No one would have ribbed the Gunt, though. They only rib folks that people like.
lol didnt know he fit that well i was thinking on a more surface level "white trash asshole cartoon character funny". i dont even mean it as an insult though the one funny thing i remember him doing that actually took off everywhere for a bit was smoke posting to kraut who was trying to quit. the bits of talent he has are all trying to get people to hate him.
 

Paragoric

kiwifarms.net
What if the infamous gunt photo was never taken? What if Ralph had followed Daddy Gym's "no irl meet-ups" rule, the photo was never taken, we never saw ethan on his channel or really anywhere else unless an "a-lawg" got the shot like they fucked up his car, then he could disavow the pic as shopped or something?

No picture, no meme, no dancing gunt pudding. Does Ethan hold on a just little longer and still screw it all up, or would he still be pulling that good grift?
 

WhimsicalTrolli

kiwifarms.net
If Ethan went to rehab after jail and left the internet I honestly have no idea what he would do. Not having ever worked a proper job leaves his resume very unpalatable to potential employers. Although, if he was at the weight that he was when he left prison he would be able to do some manual labour jobs or even deliver food via uber eats like Mundane Matt.
He can use the 2k he will have left to get into a trade school.
 

Blancmange

More custard than man.
kiwifarms.net
What if the infamous gunt photo was never taken? What if Ralph had followed Daddy Gym's "no irl meet-ups" rule, the photo was never taken, we never saw ethan on his channel or really anywhere else unless an "a-lawg" got the shot like they fucked up his car, then he could disavow the pic as shopped or something?

No picture, no meme, no dancing gunt pudding. Does Ethan hold on a just little longer and still screw it all up, or would he still be pulling that good grift?
This is his fate. If it wasn't the gunt, it would have been something else.
 

Paragoric

kiwifarms.net
You know what I keep thinking about. Last year, Ralph's biggest controversy was the IT'S NAWT TRUUUUU/Pillstream shit, which feels like a drop in the ocean compared to all the shit that happened this year. From Nora divorce to now, it's just been 9 months of non-stop shit.
it's fucking karma compounded by drug use.

Ok, What if...

What if Ethan Ralph did not openly participate/support Metokur's war on Sargon?

What if Ethan never crosses the-speedster-who-shall-not-be-named? Never gets involoved with the Plates after IBS apocalypse?

If either or both of the what-ifs above happen, is he still a happy anonymous drug user with a youtube show?

Edit: I know he wasnt anonymous. How about generally faceless?
 
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