Game Gunts - What happens when you take a fat alcoholic with a dying show and watch him play video games where he sucks, doesn't say anything funny nor insightful, and can't be bothered to learn how to properly play?

Cucktry Roads

kiwifarms.net
(And we're the Game Gunts!)
Ethan Ralph's gaming career goes far back. How far? Who cares.
Ralph claims that he was a local arcade legend in the 90s, almost winning a local tournament until some kid went and beat his high score. Ralph gained most of his fame from the Gamergate movement, which we all know as about ethics in video games.

Over the past few years, Ralph's show has been dying surprisingly quick due to deplatforming, self-censorship, boring content, and Ralph's degenerate habits. We're starting to see Ralph game more, which is likely a ploy to get more money out of his paypigs - taking inspiration from DSP. This thread exists to archive and discuss his gaming streams and habits.

Nora Streams
People report that Ralph would regularly game with his ex-wife Nora behind paywall streams. There is plenty of evidence to suggest that claims that Nora regularly beat Ralph was in fact true. Due to the age of these and the fact that they are paywall content, I haven't seen these and they may be lost to time.

Mortal Kombat X
(It's Game Gunts vs!)
The first stream I have record of Ralph gaming on air was his Mortal Kombat X stream where he battled Jim/Metokur on Dec 30, 2018. The idea is they would battle with a best of 7 approach. The winner would get bragging rights, while the loser would have to bow down to the superior gaming master, DarkSydePhil (DSP). Metokur stomped Gunty. Metokur played several characters and you could tell that he knew how to play and react to certain manuevers. Gunt picked Takeda and said that he only trained with one character (likely only for an hour or 2 as he only knew basic combos and moves). This forced Ralph to put an intro at the beginning of his show for the week praising DSP.

Among Us
After the game became trendy in 2020, Ralph, Warski, Warski's co-host Kyler, and people from the show/discord went and played a few hours on Oct 11, 2020. It went exactly how you'd expect
Ralph was obviously drunk and probably xanaxberried out of his mind. He went into the pre-planned event not knowing how to play the game, and warski had to explain the game to him 20 minutes into the stream. Ralph barely bothered to learn it and was running around like a chicken with its head cut the entire duration of the stream. The stream was plagued by technical issues...caused by Ralph. Ralph would regularly show the lobby code, allowing aylawgs and random nobody fans to join.
gg1.PNG

The times that he would censor the screen, he'd constantly forget to remove the censor and everyone would be stuck looking at the Guntstream logo. Ralph would also constantly mute the stream. When Ralph wasn't channeling his inner DSP to play like an idiot, he would ruin the game for everyone else by calling out the imposter when he was killed.

This should've been a wake up call to never stream games again

Age of Empires 2
I have no evidence of an AOE2 stream ever happening besides the fact that many times back on DLive, notifications would be sent out during the normal GuntStream timeslot that Ralph was streaming Age of Empires 2. Those of us that are very familiar with Gunt Lore believe that if Ralph plays AOE2, he is likely the type of person who picks a random civ he thinks is cool, doesn't hunt his boars, and has a 13 minute feudal time.

Super Mario Sunshine
On April 15, 2021, while the George Floyd trial was ongoing, and Ralph was doing The Court Retort during each day, Ralph decided to stream Super Mario Sunshine.
This went exactly how you'd expect. He had no clue how to play, roamed around pointlessly for a while, and couldn't figure out basic Risk/Reward management. Sunshine is a game that constantly shows you what you're supposed to be doing or going at the start of each level by having a cutscene direct you there. Gunt couldn't figure this out and constantly roamed around looking for where to go and couldn't figure out how to access more than 1 level. He had to ask Pantsu and Bibble for help a lot.

Sunshine is known for it's Fludd mechanic where you could clean up ooze and use it to hover. Anyone who has played the game remembers the "Secret of" shines, which would direct you to go to a mini-level inside a level, where your Fludd would be removed, making you use the games normal jump mechanics when you've been adapting to using Fludd to recover from bad jumps. When Ralph reached the first Secret of level, it went exactly how you expected. He constantly died due to stupid timing mistakes, wouldn't take risks, and during one life, he decided to take a risk by attempting to get the 1-up mushroom at the very end. Anyone with any sense of risk/reward management knows not to go for this mushroom as it's in a spot where you could die if you don't perfectly time your jump and landing. Gunt decided to jump (While not lining himself up with its shadow), missed it, then fell to his death, causing him to lose all progress.
gg2.PNG

Viewers were left asking why Gator wasn't on nor the one playing as Sunshine is a game about being a jannie.

Monster Hunter: Rise and Pac-Man 99
On April 21, 2021, Ralph decided to stream Pac-Man 99 and Monster Hunter: Rise.
Gunt started out with Pac-Man, playing 4 rounds. While, I'm not familiar with the 99 version of the game, it seems like you compete with 98 other players. You're basically trying to last as long as possible and rack up points with fruits respawning all pellets. I don't know if Ralph knew how to play it going in, but he went straight for the big pellets. While this is a good strategy in this gamemode, it's unknown if Ralph knew this ahead of time. We didn't get to see him play a normal game which would've told us if Ralph thinks he should always go for the big pellets.
After four rounds, ralph placed randomly, above half most of the time with making rank 15 once. Everytime he decided, he was taking an unneccesary risk or not playing it smart (going back to risk/reward management). The final round is when he got 15th. After losing, he went and read some superberries, and while this went on for a while, there were 5 players still in the game after several minutes of superberries, showing that Ralph never even stood a chance. During this, he talks about how he's going to be a dad in a month and is excited about it, despite the fact that Faith probably won't let him anywhere near the guntling. After this, Ralph decided to flash his friend code so that anyone can friend him, cause a friend is a need is a friend indeed, but a friend with gunt is better.
gg3.PNG

After that, Ralph decided to boot up MH:R.

Monster Hunter is an RPG series known for its grindiness, and addictive gameplay...for those willing to put in the time. Ralph is the type of person who plays a game for an hour or two and never touches it again. It is also a game known to punish people who can't play games, once they leave the early game.
As said many times before, this game went exactly how you'd expect. MH is a complex series with the tutorial known to take several hours. Gunt was constantly skimming through the text and ignoring important parts of it. Unlike World, where the tutorial takes you to your room and instructs you to test and choose a weapon based on your preferred playstyle, Rise hands you the Longsword and shows you the chest to use to switch weapons. Gunt just took the longsword and went on his merry way, pigeonholing him into a playstyle he likely won't like.

The stream was for the most part boring. 30 minutes in, you were saying to yourself, "he really should've played the tutorial offline." He even acknowledged this at the end. He offered little to no commentary with most of it just calling the female NPCS "bitch." Ralph would eat between missions, despite it doing no good for him, and it only being worthwhile once monsters start bulldozing you. When shown where to go via cutscene, Ralph would head to opposite way (he did this twice in fact, for the same objective). He completely ignored the minimap telling him where to go and would just wander aimlessly around.
Combat was a complete joke. His Dog and Cat companions would do all the damage, and he would be lucky to land a hit with a large sword (which he would normally swing in the wrong direction). It took him forever to finish the Jagras mission because he wouldn't look at the minimap, and decided to play Dora the Explorer. He went into another mission against another small swarm monster, but quit a few minutes saying it was going to take too long (because he sucks at it) and was going to go visit Mama Gunt in the hospital.

It is highly recommended that if Ralph plays this again on air (he acted like he hated it, so probably won't) that kiwis friend him, equip the Corn Cob Gun(t)Lance, and join his game to aid him.

Biomutant
On June 11, 2021, Gunt decided to do some Game Gunts since Pantsu didn't want to participate in Pantsu Friday on Maker's Mark Sunrise. As soon as Gunt booted it up, the first thing he did was select German as the language, then spend minutes fiddling around in an attempt to get it changed to English. Once he got the language right, he tried playing it, but the framerate was crap for the stream, so Not-so-Gunt (Gator) decided to have Gunt download and install some crap. After about 20 mins, Gunt gave up and went to play Commad and Conquer. During this, Gunt showed his Steam Library.
gg5.PNG


Command and Conquer: Red Alert
Since Gunt couldn't get Biomutant to work, he instead went and played C&C. It went exactly as you'd expect from a grown man who can't play video games and was trying to stream them. Nothing interesting was said. Gunt could barely play despite him bragging about how good he used to be. He didn't micromanage shit, would charge glass cannon artillery units into direct fire, wouldn't exploit the game's bad AI when it comes to focus firing, and wouldn't produce enough military units to keep up. He played 4 games. 1 game crashed and he got crushed the other 3.
gg9.PNG
 
Last edited:

Vetti

idiot
Local Moderator
kiwifarms.net
Ethan Ralph's gaming career goes far back. How far?
To the early 90s. Ralph claims to have been a local legend at the arcade, and said that he was once close to winning a town tournament before some other kid beat his high score last minute. He said this in the same stream where he had to replay Donut Plains 1 in Super Mario World a dozen times before beating it.
 
Last edited:

Takayuki Yagami

Justice is Blind, and Autistic
kiwifarms.net
(And we're the Game Gunts!)
Ethan Ralph's gaming career goes far back. How far? Who cares? Ralph gained most of his fame from the Gamergate movement, which we all know as about ethics in video games.

Over the past few years, Ralph's show has been dying surprisingly quick due to deplatforming, self-censorship, boring content, and Ralph's degenerate habits. We're starting to see Ralph game more, which is likely a ploy to get more money out of his paypigs - taking inspiration from DSP. This thread exists to archive and discuss his gaming streams and habits.

Mortal Kombat X
The first steam we have record of Ralph gaming on air was his Mortal Kombat X stream where he battled Jim/Metokur on Dec 30, 2018. The idea is they would battle with a best of 7 approach. The winner would get bragging rights, while the loser would have to bow down to the superior gaming master, DarkSydePhil (DSP). Metokur stomped Gunty. Metokur played several characters and you could tell that he knew how to play and react to certain manuevers. Gunt picked Takeda and said that he only trained with one character (likely only for an hour or 2 as he only knew basic combos and moves). This forced Ralph to put an intro at the beginning of his show for the week praising DSP.

Among Us
After the game became trendy in 2020, Ralph, Warski, Warski's co-host Kyler, and people from the show/discord went and played a few hours on Oct 11, 2020. It went exactly how you'd expect
Ralph was obviously drunk and probably xanaxberried out of his mind. He went into the pre-planned event not knowing how to play the game, and warski had to explain the game to him 20 minutes into the stream. Ralph barely bothered to learn it and was running around like a chicken with its head cut the entire duration of the stream. The stream was plagued by technical issues...caused by Ralph. Ralph would regularly show the lobby code, allowing aylawgs and random nobody fans to join.
View attachment 2106596
The times that he would censor the screen, he'd constantly forget to remove the censor and everyone would be stuck looking at the Guntstream logo. Ralph would also constantly mute the stream. When Ralph wasn't channeling his inner DSP to play like an idiot, he would ruin the game for everyone else by calling out the imposter when he was killed.

This should've been a wake up call to never stream games again

Age of Empires 2
I have no evidence of an AOE2 stream ever happening besides the fact that many times back on DLive, notifications would be sent out during the normal GuntStream timeslot that Ralph was streaming Age of Empires 2. Those of us that are very familiar with Gunt Lore believe that if Ralph plays AOE2, he is likely the type of person who picks a random civ he thinks is cool, doesn't hunt his boars, and has a 13 minute feudal time.

Super Mario Sunshine
On April 15, 2021, while the George Floyd trail was ongoing, and Ralph was doing The Court Retort during each day, Ralph decided to stream Super Mario Sunshine.
This went exactly how you'd expect. He had no clue how to play, roamed around pointlessly for a while, and couldn't figure out basic Risk/Reward management. Sunshine is a game that constantly shows you what you're supposed to be doing or going at the start of each level by having a cutscene direct you there. Gunt couldn't figure this out and constantly roamed around looking for where to go and couldn't figure out how to access more than 1 level. He had to ask Pantsu and Bibble for help a lot.
Sunshine is known for it's Fludd mechanic where you could clean up ooze and use it to hover. Anyone who has played the game remembers the "Secret of" shines, which would direct you to go to a mini-level inside a level, where your Fludd would be removed, making you use the games normal jump mechanics when you've been adapting to using Fludd to recover from bad jumps. When Ralph reached the first Secret of level, it went exactly how you expected. He constantly died due to stupid timing mistakes, wouldn't take risks, and during one life, he decided to take a risk by attempting to get the 1-up mushroom at the very end. Anyone with any sense of risk/reward management knows not to go for this mushroom as it's in a spot where you could die if you don't perfectly time your jump and landing. Gunt decided to jump (While not lining himself up with its shadow), missed it, then fell to his death, causing him to lose all progress.
View attachment 2106657
Viewers were left asking why Gator wasn't on nor the one playing as Sunshine is a game about being a jannie.

Monster Hunter: Rise and Pac-Man 99
This section will be updated later as the stream is ongoing atm.

Monster Hunter is an RPG series known for its grindiness, and addictive gameplay...for those willing to put in the time. Ralph is the type of person who plays a game for an hour or two and never touches it again. It is also a game known to punish people who can't play games, once they leave the early game.
What weapon is he using in monhun? Rise is easier than the rest of them but that game’ll still eat him alive, particularly if he’s using something complicated like Charge Blade.
 

RickestRickCriminal

Cyborg Genius
kiwifarms.net
To the early 90s. Ralph claims to have been a local legend at the arcade, and said that he was once close to winning a town tournament before some other kid beat his high score last minute. He said this in the same stream where he had to replay Donut Plains 1 in Super Mario World a dozen times before beating it.
He could be saying the truth, just that the diabetes is decaying his motor skills, vision and reaction time. He could have been very bored and just read through blogs, forums and game manuals where he gets all his vidya knowledge, I don't believe Ralph knows how to setup MS DOS, so big doubt if he played Shadow President 1 and 2. Still the second biggest gamer in the guntverse, of course our eldestfag gayduh is number one. He plays Persona something something, after all.
 

Mr. Manchester

Ass Napkin PHD
kiwifarms.net
Ralph somehow makes video games more boring. If he wanted to be entertaining he should play retarded games and make fun of them. I'm sure you can just type furry or trans into steam and get something to riff on.

You're welcome for the idea Ralph.
 

Ralphamale

kiwifarms.net
Ralph somehow makes video games more boring. If he wanted to be entertaining he should play retarded games and make fun of them. I'm sure you can just type furry or trans into steam and get something to riff on.

You're welcome for the idea Ralph.
He needs to play the entire sonic catalog and never once refer to sonic as sonic, rather sonichu...

He tried to play Cuphead once.
And somehow he managed to be worse than that journo who couldn't beat the tutorial.
 

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