Gunt Theme Park - A fantasy Theme Park Based on Ethan Ralph of The Kill Report

Rupert Bear


Are you smarter than an Ayelawg?​

A trivia contest where five foot one participants must correctly answer Gunt lore questions. If they answer incorrectly, they will be punished and kicked out from the contest in different ways.
  • Hit by a giant rubber thumb
  • Falling into a "gunt pit"
  • A Ethan Ralph animatronic rises and spits fake blood in the participant's face


Sacred Cows Make The Juiciest Hamburgers
True & Honest Fan
Hmm, a universal simulation ride of being the Gunt's thumb during the gunt tapes with smells of chicken salad from exploring zoomers rectum, and once the gunt sniffs you see the inside the dying vessel of the gunt.
"Why in the name of God did I do this?"

You ask yourself this question as you flash your Pill Pass ™️ to the ride attendant standing in front of The Thumb. You figured you had subjected yourself to enough punishment when you ascended Boulder Mountain and nearly drowned in the Gunt Wave Pool. But you figure this ride won't be so bad because it's just a VR experience. The attendant leads you up a platform to a car sitting on a set of hydraulic pistons not unlike the ones used on lowriders. The attendant hands you a head set and you enter the car, putting it on as you feel several restraints ratcheting you in place.

The headset comes alive and you expect to find yourself riding through West Memphis through a trailer park. Instead you find yourself staring at what you can only describe as a landscape of white. Imagine a blue sky sitting above a green field which both converge to a single horizon. But instead of a sky, you find yourself staring at a dirty white wall and instead of a field, you're looking at a landscape of white flesh that seems to rise and fall. As you feel the ride's hydraulics rhythmically rock you up and down, you look around to see where you are. You look to your right and you see a ceiling splotched with brown spots as if the ceiling had been leaking. You look up and you see the sideways face of an obese man not unlike the one you saw jumping into the wave pool. You look to your left and you see what you can only describe as a waterbed of wrinkled and dried flesh jiggling back and forth. You immediately react by looking down at your feet thinking what you find down there can't possibly be as horrifying as the gunt. But once you see the hard pink surface below your feet, you immediately realize what this ride is simulating.

You are Ethan Ralph's thumb resting on Faith Vickers's ass as it's being filmed during the infamous Corn Harvest.

As if that wasn't bad enough, you can hear them moaning as they fuck. You can also hear a box fan running at full power as well as a slight breeze. You see yourself moving for a brief second and in that second, you get a full view of Faith's backside. You see her ass and you suddenly get a dreadful feeling in the pit of your stomach. You feel yourself rushing forward, which is simulated by the movements of the hydraulic car, right before you hear an audible smack over a set of loud speakers. You feel yourself pull away again and you brace yourself for another smack. But this time you feel yourself gently approach Faith's ass. You sense something's wrong because this approach feels like there's purpose behind it. Your suspicions are quickly proven correct as you find yourself staring down a brown hole.

"NO!" you scream. "Get me off this thing! For the love of God get me the fuck off this thing!"

What you wouldn't give to be one of Joseph Goebbels's six children right about now. No matter how hard you struggle against the ride's restraints, you find yourself descending into the shadow of the valley of death. But unlike Psalm 23, you don't have the Lord's rod and staff to comfort you. All you have is an evil you have every right to fear. Soon the light is gone and in its place you feel fans blowing warm mist on your skin. That mist carries the pungent smell of stale chicken salad which makes you gag and choke. But then light fills your headset and you find a pink ribbed tunnel that seems to pulsate around you. You find that the tunnel of pink you find yourself in is coated with streaks of brown.


You throw up all over yourself. Although you can't see it, you feel the chunks of trashburger you ate for lunch soaking into your lap. The car lurches back and you see that you've left the warm and moist confines of Faith's colon. You back further and further away and you find yourself thanking Christ that part of the ride's over. But that's not the worst part of this ride. You find yourself backing further and further away and you turn your head so you don't have to look at her ass anymore. But when you do, you find yourself approaching another orifice. This orifice happens to be Ethan Ralph's nostril.

"Why!" you scream. "Why would you do this?! Why would you do any of this?! What the hell is wrong with you?!"

Your headset goes dark once again and all you can hear is an audible huff which is accompanied by a blast of air from the fans. The car lurches forward and the headset shows you traveling down Ralph's nose. In that instance, you've transformed from Ralph's thumb to a particle of shit traveling into his lungs. From there you're absorbed into his blood stream where you're treated to a tour of his body. You see his oversized heart struggling to pump blood through all his extremities. You're carried up to his brain where you can see the alcohol soaking into it in real time. From there you're carried down to his fatty liver which looks like a lump of curdling cheese. Finally you're carried down to his penis where you notice it's incredibly small. Imagine for a second you're staring down a hallway and the wall in front of you is no more than three steps away. A microscopic particle of shit with arms and legs could stand at the base and reach out to touch the tip.

But when you think the ride's over, you feel the car tilting backwards as if to mimic the coiling of a spring. The sounds of Ralph and Faith once again moaning come over the speakers.

"Oh God..."

The car tilts back a little more.

"Why God?"

The moaning gets more intense.


The car lurches forward and you feel yourself being shot out the end of Ralph's penis. But before you're subjected to any more horrors, the lights come on and the restraints loosen. The ride attendant hands you several paper towels to clean the vomit off yourself. You're led into a gift shop where you're given a discount on a souvenir t shirt. Unfortunately the only one they sell in this particular shop has a picture of Ralph's gunt screen printed on the front. You take it along with a bottle of Makers Mark to wash the taste of vomit out of your mouth. As you leave, there's only one thing you can ask yourself.

"Why God, why?"

Every amusement park needs a cafe.

1. Null's Corn: a Corntopia with an extension on a cob popcorn of various flavors, bowl of corn, and rainbow corn.

2. Phos noodle disco hall: a ramen store of various flavors with a laid back atmosphere of an awesome soundtrack from Pho'playlist during every snipe with hot girls wearing goblin costumes.

3. Trolli's Refinery: A candy store that plays the greatest parodies done in the Shanties thread.

4. Elderfags: CHICKEN TENDIES?!??! A neet samurai dream with fine arts and crafts of "create your gaydur" you can use a gatir or a fat guy as your base and dress him up however you please with a fine staff of fake Puerto Rican and decorate pinecones.


Free 🌽 202 E 37th St VA, Richmond, 901-922-9912
Local Moderator
True & Honest Fan
Need to add AR's exotic eatery. We are multicultural, neurodiverse, and hail allegiance to Voosh and his 10/10 beautiful girlfriend.

Here, you'll have a menu of exotic foods from around the world.
- Gators, fried like chicken
- Aboland Roo Nuts, self-explanatory
- Indonesian bat soup, yum yum
- Pangolin Stew, trad Chi medicine style
- Vietnamese worm pho, with handcrafted pho from Pho
- Thai cockroach burger, for the non-bigots
- Japanese whale and dolphin sushi, with a side of Fukushima's luminescence water
- Halal PigClips, yummy halal pork kebabs

You thought I forgot it?
- Ma Po Doggo, stir fried dog meat with 100% GMO soy tofu
- Dazed Civet, cooked bigcats, Guangzhou style

- Makers Mark
- Woodford Reserve
- Coke Zero
- Aussie Alcohol (fresh petrol from the shell petrol station)
- 100% pure Soy milk (GMO)

Cucktry Roads
I made the perfect ride:

The Gunter Coaster!

You start in a dark underground tunnel, representing the womb. You immerge from the darkness on an upward slope with constant signs and banner over and around the tracks. They start by showing Ralph's baby picture and other key moments from his life. As you get closer and closer to the top, you start witnessing gamergate and then the fall of Mundane Matt. You've reached the top and there is Andy Warski entering the ring at Knoxville. You're excited as this slow ride has reached its peak and you're ready for the first slope. As the coaster starts going down, you're surprised that the car does not speed up, and you're greeted with the infamous Knoxville picture of Ralph's Gunt. Ralph's downfall is a slow and constant one, so it is only fair that your journey down is also slow. You get to now witness the Pillstream, Warski and Ralph irl streaming, Nora leaving him, The Fai Fai Saga and Sex tape, The Digibro fight, and more! This all ends with you back in the darkness, representing the forgotten grave Ralph will eventually find himself him.

You're left confused and disappointed.

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