Is he going to hire a 2nd Prostitute soon?

  • Registration closed, comedy forum, Internet drama, Sneed, etc.
Status
Not open for further replies.

TrippinKahlua

Snoopy has joined the Mawkenda.
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
May 27, 2013
So we all know Chris's current situation. Banned from Wal-Mart, banned from the endless browsing of Vidya and toys, and now this means for more time to be stuck up Barb's hole-filled thighs. The funny thing is, this is still the beginning of September, remember how the other months used to go?

1) Spend :tugboat: on Vidya, High School Legos and MLP DVDs. Revel in his childish nonsense like Baby Huey, apparently as happy as a 31 year old-6 year old can be.
2) By the second week of the month, gets bored with his new toys, talk about autism and how it only relates to how people should treat him.
3) By the end of the month, he whines that he only needs true and honest care and compassion. From Women. Seeming to think of sex as some mighty answer to all his autistic mental and "bodily fluids" issues. To quote from the 40-Year Old Virgin (which I've only just recently watched, for some reason), he puts Pussy on a Pedestal, acting like its supposed to be a big reset button and magical potion.

The thing with September is though, he spent the beginning getting in trouble at Wal-Mart twice, had to do one more court meeting, and is seemingly posting slanderous reviews of Nathaniel Greene. Where are the toys, vidya and ponies? The answer for that is he used the :tugboat: to pay his fine to prevent his 30-day jail time, leaving him without his Baby Huey accentuators.

Chris literally has nothing new and exciting this month to even make him even a little emotionally satisfied just as his PS3 hugbox can. This tells me that he is going to get desperate, really desperate, compounded with the newfound boredom from not being allowed to loiter Wal-Mart and having to be up :snorlax: Crater-butt even more. I have a hunch Monthly Step #3 will take a drastic turn and Chris, blinded by the fact that Sex = Everything becomes better, will hire another prostitute.

Technically, its going to probably have to wait until his October :tugboat: gets in since he already spent his money on the "Autism Card" to prevent jail time, and I doubt he'll somehow get the money from Barb for him to admit what he's gonna do, but I think if he really, and truly believes that having "True and honest compassion. From Women." will fix him, like he does every single month, I can totally see him going for it.

His 2nd time at Sex will be entirely different too, and I'm sure even he knows that, since he has already been "broken in" and if he even has even the slightests experience/know how about Sex from his first time and all the pornogrophy he has watched, and if he at least attempts to make the heroin-addict girl feel good, it'll be even better for him as he spends the next 6 hours sleeping and cuddling with her.

Of course though, all this would be superficial and in the next 10-15 days or so, he'll just be complaining that he's "Gwumpy and Wonewy again!" *sigh*
 

Null

Ooperator
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Nov 14, 2012
Chris learned with his first prostitute that sex was neither everything he imagined it to be, nor the center of his problems. I think that's why he became so bitter immediately following. He realized that there was no biological clock, that he would never experience this moment:

oWbuRHn.jpg


Instead he learned that what he really desired was love, and to be loved. But, the road to accomplishing that involves effort, and fixing his appearance. It involved making himself something he would never be because he is too unmotivated.

My personal hypothesis is that Chris' mental age is always half of what his real age is. Taking that logic, he's turning 16 this year. A 16 year old boy with immense feelings of persecution and inadequacies. I see a future of depression, self-loathing, and talk of suicide. He's out of his tweens when everything was about highschool, now shit's going to get dark and go downhill really, really fast.
 

LordCustos3

Guvking Stalbjer
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Feb 4, 2013
GAH!

TrippinKahlua said:
So we all know Chris's current situation. Banned from Wal-Mart, banned from the endless browsing of Vidya and toys, and now this means for more time to be stuck up Barb's hole

GAH!
 

cypocraphy

Deader than the parents on "Party Of Five"
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Feb 3, 2013
Marvin has hinted that Chris has hired a hooker more than once.
 

Anchuent Christory

Socially Awesome and Cool.
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Mar 3, 2013
To think it was just a week or two ago we were speculating at the unusually cheerful and happy seeming Chris in regards to him suddenly deciding to swell the ranks of his Facebook friends and be somewhat proactive about his promised reunion. Really this was yet another half assed attempt to find somebody to fix his life for him, and as usual it didn't pan out in the way he'd unrealistically envisioned it.

I honestly think what we're seeing here in these incidents is nothing more than a drawn out tantrum in response to life not conforming to his wishes. Manbaby's upset so he's gonna take it out on other people.

As for the prostitute, I don't think so; the first one didn't magically turn his life around, so I doubt he'll feel the need to shell out more money he doesn't have for a second one.
 

TrippinKahlua

Snoopy has joined the Mawkenda.
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
May 27, 2013
I guess I didn't make my main point too clear, my bad.

My main point is, he's probably going to have sex again soon because he will need that rush in his life. Whether or not it truly fixed his initial problems, Sex is still Unique Sex, and there's only one way to Sex. (Me? I'm still a virgin, so I dunno what I'm talking about :stupid: ) That precious moment when Chris has that "care and compassion. From women." that he desires badly, whether or not he paid for it.

bungholio said:
Marvin has hinted that Chris has hired a hooker more than once.

orly-emu.jpg
 

Kosher Dill

Potato Chips
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Feb 3, 2013
TrippinKahlua said:
Chris literally has nothing new and exciting this month
Well, unless you count the literally hundreds of games he's bought on PSN and never played.
 

MrTroll

I know you can read MY thoughts, boy
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jul 30, 2013
I think he intends to spend whatever little money he can hold onto after paying his obligatory "bills"--court fines, Barb's cut, gas, food--on PS4 crap. He's probably going to rush out and buy it all on day one--the system, stupid accessories he doesn't need, new games he won't play and that will radically depreciate in value in about 2 months, etc.
 

Satoru182

kiwifarms.net
Joined
Mar 30, 2013
Kosher Dill said:
TrippinKahlua said:
Chris literally has nothing new and exciting this month
Well, unless you count the literally hundreds of games he's bought on PSN and never played.

Its not about the games but the rush of buying something, getting something, but that rush dyes really fast.
 

NegaCWC

kiwifarms.net
Joined
Mar 31, 2013
Marvin said:
bungholio said:
Marvin has hinted that Chris has hired a hooker more than once.
Haha, I did?

I'm guessing you're not at liberty to divulge any more details, but just in case this isn't so... Is he a loyal customer or has he been pleasured by several different prostitutes? Has he naively tried to turn the first prostitute into a sweetheart from the grounds-up? And does Barb know of this?
 

KatsuKitty

Stone-Cold Bitch
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Feb 3, 2013
NegaCWC said:
Marvin said:
bungholio said:
Marvin has hinted that Chris has hired a hooker more than once.
Haha, I did?

I'm guessing you're not at liberty to divulge any more details, but just in case this isn't so... Is he a loyal customer or has he been pleasured by several different prostitutes? Has he naively tried to turn the first prostitute into a sweetheart from the grounds-up? And does Barb know of this?

If I remember correctly, it was only once or twice, then he just went back to vidya and the holey buttocks. Don't know for sure though.
 

TrippinKahlua

Snoopy has joined the Mawkenda.
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
May 27, 2013
Do you guys remember the Facebook posts leading up to the magical day he became a virgin no more?

S2NWrwq.png


UpC4rDA.png


senmW4r.png


He was sounding really, really desperate there. Not exactly like he knew life would get better the moment he loses the V-card. He talks about how its natural for him to want sex (something that is technically true) and how he gets horny. He clearly had to have been horny for him to announce this on Facebook.

Sure, he was also prodded by the fear of him going to jail a virgin, but there was something that made Chris actually go ahead and carry it out.

The fact was, he went too long without sex, and he will start to fear going without sex again, and then get addicted to hookers once he gets better at sex and learn how to actually do it.
 

sea panther

stupid as
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Feb 21, 2013
I always found it funny that Anna's hint that Chris would get raped in jail went clear over his head.
 

NegaCWC

kiwifarms.net
Joined
Mar 31, 2013
TrippinKahlua said:
once he gets better at sex and learn how to actually do it.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Sorry if I sound like I'm trying to criticize Chris too much, but OPL can't get better at anything. He's been drawing for years and his art is as shit as ever. You know what, forget his drawing skills. Have you ever seen how he holds a pen? If he can't do that right there's no way in hell that he can get better at sex.

Plus, repeatedly going to prostitutes is not a good way to get better at sex, regardless of whether or not it's Chris we're talking about. Prostitutes don't give any actual feedback regarding sexual performance, they pretend to enjoy themselves regardless of what the John is doing. Since every prostitute will tell Chris he's the best sex she ever had, and since Chris naively believes that, why should he make any effort at improving his sexual performance?
 

Francine StripeCheer

kiwifarms.net
Joined
Feb 3, 2013
sea panther said:
I always found it funny that Anna's hint that Chris would get raped in jail went clear over his head.
I think it's hilarious that Anna honestly believes that she's his friend but still can't resist playing to the crowd
 

A-№1

A Hobo With Options
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Sep 6, 2013
Losing his virginity was more important to Chris than the sex itself. But he can only lose his virginity once. Now that he knows what (bad hooker) sex is like, he knows he likes it, but not enough to forgo vidya or mcdonalds money for it. Certainly not enough to clean up and dress and act appropriately for it.

Then again, if he does somehow develop a hooker habit, I wonder how long it will be before the local sales ladies put a ban on him as well.
 

Stuff and Things

Bloodsucker
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Sep 6, 2013
NegaCWC said:
Since every prostitute will tell Chris he's the best sex she ever had, and since Chris naively believes that, why should he make any effort at improving his sexual performance?

Even if the prostitutes didn't say things like that, Chris would still assume that he's good at sex just because he watches porn, and even if the prostitues complained about his... "skills", he would immediately assume that it's because the hooker is a ]:(P so, either way, chris won't make any effort at improving his sexual performance.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.