Let's Sperg Let's Play XCOM XPiratez Mod - Lethal amounts of autism ahead.


We have all the time in the world.

(XPiratez Main Title)


XPiratez is a horrendously massive, incredibly autistic mod for OpenXCom Extended that places the players in a post-apocalyptic Earth where humanity under XCOM lost the original Alien War. Instead of whatever the Hell Firaxis went with for XCOM2, we’re hundreds of years in the future where Earth has been reduced to a dystopian world full of despotic mega-states, cyberdystopias, gangs, secret societies, insane religions, mutants, monsters, magic, and basically every possible pulp, sci-fi or fantasy idea you can pack into a setting all rolled into one.

Your pirates start out as literal retarded cavemen (You have to actually research rocks, I’m not kidding) armed with brickbats and whatever melee weapons they can scrounge up, flying around in a shitty Hovervan that they used to escape from a secret lab. That’s it, that’s your plot, you’re just dumped into this world with basically nothing and you have to build yourself up from there. To call this mod ambitious would be an understatement. Current estimates put exhausting the main plotline’s story pieces at roughly 400 hours of gameplay, and new shit is always being added. The in-game UFOpedia has well over 1000 entries. The original game had about 70, for comparison. This mod goes from muskets and scrap metal swords to nukes and lasers all the way up to weapons and powers that fuck with the fabric of reality itself. Its a must see just for the sheer scale of everything involved.

And yes, this mod does have some minor NSFW elements. There are things like nudity, though most of the mod’s mature content comes from lewd jokes and the like. You have been warned. That said, it’s also not a porn mod of any kind. Unless you really will fap to anything I guess.


XPiratez uses the OpenXCOM Extended architecture but has its own custom variation of OXCE, which comes integrated with the mod when you download it, meaning all you need to do is add in the original assets from XCOM and the mod is ready to go, no extra installation or configuration required. You'll notice the mod also hard-enables some of the OpenXCOM options you saw in the last two LPs.

I didn’t read the last two LPs, where do we come in?
A: The life of an XCOM Soldier in general is rather short. Things are a bit different in XPiratez, but the overwhelming majority of my troops are still expected to die horribly. It just might take a bit longer for that to actually happen than last time. Anyone who wants to be a pirate, just say so in the thread and I’ll add people to the list of names in the order that I see them.

Unlike last time, the default units in this game are all female, so for a large portion of the game that’s most likely the gender you’ll get. If that really bothers anyone I’ve come up with an alternative system where you can name your space pirate waifu and I’ll put your actual name in brackets next to it, or something. Or you can just let the random generator do the naming, it’s up to you. I will not be adding anyone in this thread to the list of names unless they explicitly volunteer though, to avoid any complaints. So make sure to clearly indicate if you want to join or not when you post here.

As with the last two times, dead people will be resurrected if I run out of names, going in the order of who died first according to the Memorial window. People will get an @ when their Pirate is added to the roster, killed, or on the very rare occasion when they make it to the highest possible rank.

I haven’t read either of the previous two XCOM threads, can I still volunteer? Also, will I be lost?
A: You can still volunteer. Also don’t worry about being lost from not knowing the lore. Everyone’s gonna be lost when I start this thing off.

I really don’t like the looks of this.
A: To be honest I understand how you feel. All I can tell you is that I’m a lot more interested in packing my troops with armor plating, nukes and lasers than I am in putting any of them in a bikini or a maid outfit, and you’ll just have to take my word for it.

What’s the Victory Condition?
A: Get to Cydonia and defeat the alien brain, again. There’s a lot of fucking shit between Point A and Point B in this scenario though.

Will you be savescumming?
A: I probably have to. Just as of two weeks ago the mod was changed so heavily it was recommended that players restart their games to keep up with how different things have gotten. Who the fuck know what else could happen while I play this thing.

How often will you update?
A: Sticking with that once every two weeks model again.

Where can I get it?
Mod is complete with no external programs required: https://openxcom.org/forum/index.php?topic=3626.0
Note that due to copyright purposes, OpenXCom requires the assets of the original XCOM UFO Defense to function! Go find a torrent somewhere or buy it if you really want to, the original game is only older than I am!

Previous LP Threads for UFO Defense & Terror From The Deep:

General Discussion thread for the series on KF:

UFOpaedia Wiki: The definitive resource for all three of the original XCOM games, their remakes, some of the various modifications out there, as well as oldschool tools like Xcomutil and UFO Extender. Amusingly, this is your first result if you punch "ufopedia wiki" into a search engine, not the site that catalogs UFO sightings. Note that the wiki has an XPiratez page, but its outdated as Hell and the main XPiratez reference has been moved elsewhere.

XPiratez Bootypedia: Contains massive spoilers so please be discrete if you read ahead.

XCOM Trilogy UFOpedia at Chaotic Signal: A simple web page that hosts an interactive version of the in-game UFOpedias from all three main games.

XCOMUFO.com: Oldschool resource for the original three games that still has some neat stuff.

1d4Chan's Page on XCOM: Dated for sure, but provides a good overview.

OpenXcom Forums: Contains all resources and discussion for OpenXcom and its many, many mods.

OpenXcom Mod.io Portal: Alternate and more user-friendly mod portal than the forums. May or may not always be up to date compared to the forums though.

GuavaMoment's LPs: So you can see how the Something Awful goons handled this. This is the archetypical XCOM forum LP in my mind, I'm not aware of many others and the ones I do know about I haven't actually ever finished reading like the Spacebattles one. The games are done out of order though, its kind of confusing.

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Sign up and get your pirate waifu today! Retake the Earth from the alien menace!


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Buzz Buzz


This is my favourite Oxce mod with the 2nd being xcomfiles (similar concept in which you start as a shitty FBI joke department with two guys and build from there to a massive global military anti-alien force)

And this one your literal super powered mutant pirate women who will steal and plunder everything not nailed the fuck down

Judge Dredd

Senior Layout Artist
Dread pirate Judge reporting for duty!

If stats/build/strats allow, can I be a martial artist? I want to take on the aliens, nazis, and demons with my fists. Or I can carry the non lethal weapons if you're into taking people alive. I know either option will drastically shorten my life expectancy. That's only if you're into such builds. I won't dictate how you play.

Will you be savescumming?
A: I probably have to. Just as of two weeks ago the mod was changed so heavily it was recommended that players restart their games to keep up with how different things have gotten. Who the fuck know what else could happen while I play this thing.
I've arrived at a pogrom and gotten nuked in the bus on turn 1. So that's reason enough to save scum.

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