Ralph the Fitness Expert - fit'n this dick

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AltisticRight

Free 🌽 202 E 37th St VA, Richmond, 901-922-9912
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He calls that a workout? I walk more miles working from home, and fuck it's nothing to be proud of, this dumb covid shit is reinforcing unhealthy lifestyles.

Laughable. Floating around in a pool isn't swimming, Ralph.
 

Salubrious

Feelin' Healthy
kiwifarms.net
I've never swam for exercise so maybe I'm just out of the loop. Who goes and works out for just ten minutes? He walked to the pool, did his best manatee impression, walked home and felt accomplished.
I am going to give Ralph the benefit of the doubt right this second. I reserve the right to take it back at any time.

This workout for perfectly fine for Ralph as a first shot. You have to realize, he is COMPLETELY out of shape. Just moving around a little, even for 30 minutes, is going to help him immensely.

As far as swimming goes, I would expect Ralph with some practice to swim about 3 minutes per 100 yards. So 150 yards in 10 minutes is good if it is his first time getting back in the pool in, I'm going to say ever. Swimming is very easy on the joints, but very taxing in cardiovascular. I'm also going to guess Ralph's technique sucks. All his fat may be helping him "float", but it's also causing a tremendous amount of drag as well.

Him walking 3 mph is also a good start. When he's first starting out, he needs to keep it light so that he doesn't develop knee, foot, and leg problems.

I would eventually like to see him do some weight training a few days per week.

TL;DR - This is fine for Day 1. I seriously doubt that there will be a Day 100 though.
 

AltisticRight

Free 🌽 202 E 37th St VA, Richmond, 901-922-9912
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True & Honest Fan
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There probably won't be a day 10.
Not even optimistic enough to see a day 2.
Congrats Ralph, you burned calories equivalent to...
1613631388209.png

4.5 oz of Maker's Mark, which is 1/6 of an average bottle. Give yourself a pat on the back and chug down the whole thing! :gunt:

Found footage of Ralph "swimming".
Oh Nora.....................
gunt.gif
 
Last edited:

Not Even Twice

kiwifarms.net
View attachment 1927544
I love to shit on Ralph, but I highly doubt he's 228kg.

Which leads me to believe that Ralph might not be entirely honest about his working out, and I mean having to lie about walking a mile is fucking ridiculous as it is.
If he's using one of the countless apps for his phone, then he probably doesn't know he is lying. They are notoriously inaccurate when it comes to calculating calories - on purpose. Fat/lazy people tend to use them to validate their minimal effort workouts.
 

Randy Lahey

Trailer Park Supervisor
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AMERICA

GET A LIFE, SO WHAT IF I AM ATTRACTED TO Pokémon!!
True & Honest Fan
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I love the "only" one mile thing, as if one mile isn't a big deal for Gunt. You're not fooling anyone. We can see what you look like, you idiot.

It's incredibly transparent; you sound like an insecure teen girl.
 

Chive Turkey

kiwifarms.net
More likely explanation is the app or whatever he is using exaggerates how many calories you burn so that fat retards using it get more of a dopamine kick when they do hardly anything.
Even if it was accurate, it doesn't mean jackshit unless you're aware of your intake. Ralph could be burning off a thousand calories through exercise but it's moot if he just eats and drinks it all back in the same day.

The fatfuckery coupled with rampant alcoholism is a terrible combo if he does decide to start seriously exerting himself, especially if it involves dyel strength training. The stress on his joints and muscles is going to be bad enough as it is, and drinking like a fish means his body won't get the nutrition to adequately repair any damage he inflicts on hinself.
 

Helvítis Túristi

True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Even if it was accurate, it doesn't mean jackshit unless you're aware of your intake. Ralph could be burning off a thousand calories through exercise but it's moot if he just eats and drinks it all back in the same day.

The fatfuckery coupled with rampant alcoholism is a terrible combo if he does decide to start seriously exerting himself, especially if it involves dyel strength training. The stress on his joints and muscles is going to be bad enough as it is, and drinking like a fish means his body won't get the nutrition to adequately repair any damage he inflicts on hinself.
Doesn't the diet play about 70-80% of the role in weight loss? He could probably lose weight faster by doing fasting days and not overeating the next day. If I knew ralph's weight and the percentage of body fat he has, I could measure how long he could last without eating. It's also important to note that ralph's age is going to work against him, as metabolism drops the older you get. Not eating sugar and drinking alcohol is good, but you also need to eat high nutrient foods instead of junk food. Ralph made no mention of that, so I think he will end up snacking on this supposed weight loss journey.
 

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