Containment Random Thoughts & Questions -

The climax of Chris's life

  • House Burning Down

    Votes: 149 8.0%
  • Bob Passing Away

    Votes: 146 7.9%
  • Becoming a Tomgirl

    Votes: 127 6.9%
  • Expulsion from PVCC

    Votes: 61 3.3%
  • Winning the Sega Sweepstake

    Votes: 768 41.5%
  • Taint Infection

    Votes: 106 5.7%
  • Other

    Votes: 56 3.0%
  • Multiple things

    Votes: 73 3.9%
  • Never had any hope

    Votes: 177 9.6%
  • The Jews

    Votes: 189 10.2%

  • Total voters
    1,851

AnOminous

I'm not mad at anyone, honest.
True & Honest Fan
Retired Staff
kiwifarms.net
Am I the only one not pissed off by the tugboat?
I'm not. And I get assmad about Phil/ADF and Cockless getting tard bucks even though they're probably just as tarded as Chris. Chris may not have personally earned the insurance benefits he's getting but Bob sure as hell earned them.
 

Alba gu brath

kiwifarms.net
Am I the only one not pissed off by the tugboat? It's subsidizing my entertainment. He's genuinely unemployable now and he needs it to survive. Way more worth it than a netflix account. I'd rather my tax dollars go to sub-min wage subsistence income for a funny sperg than billions to Israel and bank bailouts, IMO.
Nah, same here. Again, if the tards can actually work, braw and dandy, but the tugboat is as much a protection for normal people from needing to deal with tards, as it is a tard supplement.
 

Xochi

Andy Ngo's #1 fan
kiwifarms.net
I'm not. And I get assmad about Phil/ADF and Cockless getting tard bucks even though they're probably just as tarded as Chris. Chris may not have personally earned the insurance benefits he's getting but Bob sure as hell earned them.
I get annoyed by Phil getting the tugboat because he'll take the tugboat, spend it on bullshit and then turn around in the same breath and say the government should be dismantled. The very definition of biting the hand that feeds.

Chris isn't like that. He isn't mentally together enough to have any strong views on the government. He just happily takes his tardbux and spends them on, I dunno, microwave meals and MLP cards. Plus he probably deserves the tugboat at this point. People like to get on their high horse about how Chris should be out working 16-hour shifts for minimum wage but they ignore the fact that Chris, in addition to being lazy, is certifiably insane. There isn't really any job out there he could hold on to.
 

Chrus Chundlur

Shaved orangutan
kiwifarms.net
I wonder if Chris acts like this when no one is watching
Fuck, he pretty much acts (almost) like that on camera, so yes.
I fucking hate the Chris board.

Every day of my life for YEARS, I've set time out of my day aside to check in on the misadventures of some random developmentally challenged guy in a country I've never been to. I've watched him humiliated, manipulated, degraded and generally tossed around by a cast of colourful characters in some kind of perverse Truman Show. Often I laughed, often I recoiled in disgust (un-clit, anyone?) and sometimes I felt really bad for the guy (to this day I've never heard the medallion-up-the-ass call in its entirety because it's so hard to get through).

It just feels bleak now. Chris isn't the Internet's jester any more, you can't contact him through Mailbag in the hopes of provoking one of his infamous angry bedroom rants. He's more like the Internet's worn-out sex toy. He's been fucked so hard there's nothing left. It's like looking at your old granddad with Alzheimer's who just doesn't respond to anything and thinking back to when his mind was sharp as a tack. Any humour to be derived from Chris has been thoroughly spent over the past decade, already meticulously detailed on the CWCki.

Chris has evolved from a naive autistic manchild into an unabashedly insane and unstable man. And Chris trolling has evolved from "haha fat man angry" to just extorting and manipulating an un-medicated crazy person and calling him something else. He's most likely having full-on hallucinations and believes he's the goddess of another dimension, and there are still people slapping him around to see if they can get a reaction out of him. Some would disagree but to me, that's not funny, it's just sad.

I hope this whole bleak story comes to an end soon so Null can finally shut down the Chris board and we can all move on.
I still get the occasional laugh (plus the laughs of you guys commenting Chris' antics), and for the rest, morbid curiosity still keeps me hooked.

Also, a lifetime of being exposed to fiction has wired my brain to expect some kind of big finale for Chris' story, although real life doesn't give a shit about wrapping up narratives. Still, Chris has the strange capacity of always managing to surprise and baffle me when I think that he is done or that I have already seen the bottom of his stupidity, he has done this again and again.

Maybe he finally snaps, paints himself like a Sonichu, and runs naked into the traffic at rush hour in front of a live tv crew, and when a truck finally makes him fucking explode we find out he was filled with candy and was a sentient piñata the whole time.

But most probably he'll just quietly croak at home from heart failure surrounded by his own filth and we'll only find out days later from some throwaway "Internet semicelebrity found half-eaten by feral cats at home after neighbours complaints about stench" news piece on local media.
 

Syaoran Li

Disney Delenda Est
kiwifarms.net
Honestly, even though Chris and Jace were the lolcows who got me to start lurking Kiwi Farms and eventually sign up, the Community Watch board has always been my main jam (although Weeb Wars and the off-topic boards are pretty cool too) and right now, there's only two things that keep me interested in Chris at all.

One is that fact that Chris's life is always prone to some crazy and unexpected twist that completely changes the game, whether it be the end of organized trolling in 2011, the cascade of events that happened in 2014 (the fire, trooning out, and Blarms) or the Idea Guys and the current Dimensional Merge stuff that is a result of their involvement.

The other reason is rather morbid, but I'll be honest about it. I'm waiting for Barb to die and to see how Chris will handle it.

When the other shoe drops and Barb's gone, that's probably the closest to an official "ending" this story can get. Seeing how Chris handles the gravity of a situation as severe as Barb's death will probably be a good indicator of whether or not he'll end up deranged and possibly homeless for the rest of his life, or if he moves into some cheapo apartment and lives off the tugboat until he eventually dies in obscurity.

I'm hoping the latter happens and Barb's death is enough of a shock to snap Chris back into reality and live out the rest of his life in relative peace, but I'm not optimistic.
 
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The American Hedgehog

Supervisor
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Plus he probably deserves the tugboat at this point. People like to get on their high horse about how Chris should be out working 16-hour shifts for minimum wage but they ignore the fact that Chris, in addition to being lazy, is certifiably insane. There isn't really any job out there he could hold on to.
But part of the reason he's as lazy and insane as he is now is because he didn't have something like a job to keep him somewhat grounded. He just plays make-believe and interacts with enablers all day instead.
 

GherkinRealness

kiwifarms.net
But part of the reason he's as lazy and insane as he is now is because he didn't have something like a job to keep him somewhat grounded. He just plays make-believe and interacts with enablers all day instead.
Yerp. Chris was never given a degree of responsibility after being fired from Wendy's beyond picking up dinner or taking the car in for fixing. Bob and Barb are entirely responsible for this.

I have well off cousins who are into their early twenties and never had to get a job because of mummy and daddy paying their way for them. As a result, they're spoilt, resistant to any form of chore, blissfully unaware of how soft they've become. They know no troubles beyond the stresses of their mmos or the fact they had to order food instead of walking over minute round the corner to pick up lunch. They have become so disconnected to what the majority of people have to do that it makes me genuinely pissed off when they stare at me in shock when I tell them I worked as a waiter for 5 years.

Chris is like this, only not rich and severely autistic. And incredibly full of himself.
 
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Xochi

Andy Ngo's #1 fan
kiwifarms.net
But part of the reason he's as lazy and insane as he is now is because he didn't have something like a job to keep him somewhat grounded. He just plays make-believe and interacts with enablers all day instead.
I feel it was a tremendous missed opportunity that none of Chris's heartsweets ever got him into a job.
 

Xochi

Andy Ngo's #1 fan
kiwifarms.net
Kacey tried, repeatedly. Clyde wasn’t a sweetheart but he also tried.
Oh, I forgot about Kacey. Spectacular, really; his devotion to not being employed is so strong that you can order him to do basically everything, but you can't convince him to even TRY to get a job.

I would do anything for love
Yes, I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love
But I won't do that
 

SigueSigueSpergnik

Sperg it up, now sperg it up!
kiwifarms.net
When the other shoe drops and Barb's gone, that's probably the closest to an official "ending" this story can get. Seeing how Chris handles the gravity of a situation as severe as Barb's death will probably be a good indicator of whether or not he'll end up deranged and possibly homeless for the rest of his life, or if he moves into some cheapo apartment and lives off the tugboat until he eventually dies in obscurity.
There are two reasons why I suspect that when Barb pops her clogs Chris will not end up homeless:
  • Chris has never lived alone and is totally unequipped to do so
  • Chris is a prize pig for certain values of 'prize'
WRT the first point, Chris won't be able to stand being alone simply because he never has been alone; Borb have always factored into his existence. Sure, he has a bunch of imaginary friends in his head and the Internet to fall back on, but he requires having another human being around. He'll either seek out someone to live with, bring someone in to live with him, or be invited to move in with someone, but he's not going to end up in a cardboard box under an overpass - at least, not initially.

The second point is one that I've raised before, but feel that it bears repeating: if you're the right kind of pervert, Chris is a prize. He comes with bodily orifices (some OEM, some aftermarket) to penetrate and a tugboat. Couple that with his need to have a person - anyone - around, ability to be manipulated, and general requirement for mollycoddling, and you've got the makings of a willing dependent equipped with fuckable holes that pretty much pay you to violate them.

Frankly, I suspect that this is what's motivating Sockness: he sees Chris as a cornholeable ATM provided that he can get Chris to either take him in or shack up with him. There's nothing to prove that at this point; it's just speculation on my behalf. But it's not unreasonable speculation.
 
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Pickelhaube

Ultimate♂Muscle♂Roller♂Legend
kiwifarms.net
The second point is one that I've raised before, but feel that it bears repeating: if you're the right kind of pervert, Chris is a prize. He comes with bodily orifices (some OEM, some aftermarket) to penetrate and a tugboat. Couple that with his need to have a person - anyone - around, ability to be manipulated, and general requirement for mollycoddling, and you've got the makings of a willing dependent equipped with fuckable holes that pretty much pay you to violate them.
What you have just said is Jacob's endgame with Chris. Sockness wants Chris to trust him and only him so Chris can move to San Francisco and become his gay sex slave.
 

Tikbalang

Wear your shirt inwards out
kiwifarms.net
What you have just said is Jacob's endgame with Chris. Sockness wants Chris to trust him and only him so Chris can move to San Francisco and become his gay sex slave.
But why Chris? Neither can reach their erected dicks in each other's buttholes?
 

Chrus Chundlur

Shaved orangutan
kiwifarms.net
I feel it was a tremendous missed opportunity that none of Chris's heartsweets ever got him into a job.
There also was (sorry, I can't be arsed to look up the source) this facebook friend of his that on one of his rants about being unhirable because online rep (despite never trying to begin with) commented having ties on the tard-wrangler community (or being one herself, I'm not sure) who could get him a job.

She repeatedly told him that:
- They wouldn't give a shit about his reputation
- It would be part-time and allow him to still keep his tugboat
- It would be a job tailored to autistics and their special needs
- The schedule would adapt to him so he could still "take care of his mom" (the excuse he haphazardly pulled out of his ass when the previous points cornered him)

She insisted and insisted, and debunked like a champ every single shitty excuse Chris threw at her until he simply opted to remain silent so people would please stop throwing tailor-made jobs at him.
 

GherkinRealness

kiwifarms.net
There also was (sorry, I can't be arsed to look up the source) this facebook friend of his that on one of his rants about being unhirable because online rep (despite never trying to begin with) commented having ties on the tard-wrangler community (or being one herself, I'm not sure) who could get him a job.

She repeatedly told him that:
- They wouldn't give a shit about his reputation
- It would be part-time and allow him to still keep his tugboat
- It would be a job tailored to autistics and their special needs
- The schedule would adapt to him so he could still "take care of his mom" (the excuse he haphazardly pulled out of his ass when the previous points cornered him)

She insisted and insisted, and debunked like a champ every single shitty excuse Chris threw at her until he simply opted to remain silent so people would please stop throwing tailor-made jobs at him.
Do you have any screenshot or names? Wanna look into this for the comic
 
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Chrus Chundlur

Shaved orangutan
kiwifarms.net
Do you have any screenshot or names? Wanna look into this for the comic
(sorry, I can't be arsed to look up the source)
*sigh*

You had to go and make me look it up, didn't you? :tomgirl:

Here, I misremembered some things, the caretaking excuse was actually thrown preemptively, plus "being discriminated as a lesbian transwoman" and temper tantrums at random. The girl didn't really insist that much as I remembered either (understandable, as Chris immediately goes on a tardrage fit), but the job chance really looked tailor-made for basket cases like him.

(Edit: There is some more interesting nagging about getting a job on the following post(s?) listed on the link. Of course, Chris is having none of it.)
 

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