Star Wars Griefing Thread (Formerly about Last Jedi) - It's nothing like Empire... like.... at all, we promise

Spread the flame.
Burn this rot.
Salt the earth and purge the lands so that nothing may grow here again for a thousand years.

Today, at last, we lay a corpse to rest.
Today, Star Wars finally, finally, mercifully dies.

Let's slide the knife, Kiwis. Spread the spoilers. We are the autistic illuminati.
I'm with you man, I'm spreading the spoilers as far as possible. Fuck Disney.
 

GeneralFriendliness

General of Dokar's Soy-Slaying Anti-Lego Regiment
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
The spoilers I see all say Kylo dies by being thrown in a pit. How does he "rise" again? Is that what is being hidden?
I don't think he literally rises. There's two leaks about this but one has a different ending but agree that Emo Ren dies at Palpatine's hands. One claims that he dies and gets thrown down a hole, then comes back as a force ghost along with all past jedi to give Rey their powers and make her the Avatar. The other claims this also happens but after the battle Avatar Rey uses her power to revive Kylo Ren who then accompanies them to Tatooine at the end. I'm more likely to believe him staying dead, since him being alive would take away from Rey's sueness by having a strong independent woman permanently settle down and take the last name of her bf's grandad.
Hmm I'm not sure if that Emperor picture is real. Wasn't he in a black outfit hooked on life support in the trailer?
I think I explained this before in the leak I posted. Palpatine first appears old, weak and crippled, but after killing Ren he absorbs his powers to rejuvenate himself, becoming young and powerful again. Also his outfit only has dashes of red.

Still... we already have that pic of Palpy shooting lightning so that pretty much confirms shit, but as expected his role is dismally short.

But if the rumors about him just being a hologram or highly advanced droid are true (courtesy of Doomcock of which I'm skeptical) then I could see that happening since the shitty Palpatine clone droids from EA Battlefront 2's shitty storyline has Palpatine using droids with his identity dressed in red carrying out his will to destroy his own Empire for re-tarded reasons. If it is a sentinal droid with max electric beams, then this movie will be even more disappointing than I thought.
1571795214588.png

But I'm inclined to believe the picture of him that just came out shooting bolts looks legit.
 

Dr W

I have no mouth and I must scream
kiwifarms.net

GeneralFriendliness

General of Dokar's Soy-Slaying Anti-Lego Regiment
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net

GeneralFriendliness

General of Dokar's Soy-Slaying Anti-Lego Regiment
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Alright, here's a simple easy-to-read greentext of all leaks and spoilers made to be as simple as possible while only focusing on keynotes (made with help from @Dr W).

>Rey and Leia training on Endor
>Kylo Ren meets Palpatine on Byss Exogol by using the mcguffin/wayfinder inside Vader's helmet
>FO hangs out there now
>Resistance is useless on Ajan Kloss (includes Rose, not-Ackbar, Yellow Yoda, Wedge, Nien Nub, Snap and BASED KLAUD)
>Resistance informant Bobliobobobobo is working for Hux
>Bobobo gets killed by assassin
>Everyone reunites for Operation: S.I.T.H. D.A.G.G.E.R
>Go to Not-Tatooine 2 for Burning Man to find old sith assassin called Ochi
>some old dude asks Rey who she is and says she don't know "nobody knows"
>meet Lando who has Ochi's dagger
>Siths now have stupid tradition where they write down all their secrets on their daggers for some damn reason
>"I got a bad feeling about this"
>Ren, the Knights of Ren and the FO attack Burning Man
>Ren and Ren fight and Sandship escape
>everyone escapes the planet on Ochi's ship which now serves as nu-Falcon
>Take C-3PO to not-Hoth 2 which is an ice asteroid to meet Crazy Frog the Droid Tinkerer so he can be programmed to read stupid dagger runes
>meet lady Boba Fett who is Poe's ex-gf (WHAT A COINCIDENCE!)
>she takes them to Crazy Frog
>3PO has meaningless fake out death by getting memories erased and now reads dagger words
>magic words make Rey see not-Endor where evil mcguffin/wayfinder is so they go there
>Drax shows up and sells them out to the FO
>they escape and go to not-Endor
>R2 reveals he has a backup of 3PO
>Hux gets killed and is replaced with Wyte Pryde who is his killer
>Stronk blak wahmyn aka Finn's sister with bow shows up and takes them to Death Star ruins on horses who are tard-ified versions of old aliens
>Rey sees evil violent Rey who is a vision when she touches mcguffin
>Kylo Ren magically shows up
>stops vision and talks about Palpy
>then Ren tries to kill Rey
>big battle on water with death star floating and memberberries
>Rey wins
>flashback reveals that Luke didn't want to train Rey cuz she's Palpy's descendant (OMG JJ RETCONNED TLJ! BASED JJ! HE SAVED LUKE AND SW! PRAISE DISNEY! PRAISE JJ! OMGZZZZZZZZZZ!!! [jizzes soy])
>Leia dies
>crew goes back to Ajan Kloss
>everyone cries cuz Leia dead again
>Rey gets Leia's lightsaber
>Lando says "hope"
>everyone's happy again
>Rey uses Wayfinder to show everyone how to get to Exogol in the Unknown Regions to attack FO and Palpy
>Emo Ren is alive and returns to Palpatine
>Palpatine mad
>Palpatine has knights of Ren fight Emo Ren
>big space battle full of memberberries and a bunch of OT and Disney EU ships as they arrive on Exogol
>Rey goes alone
>Rey confronts Palpatine
>senses Emo Ren in trouble
>gives him spare saber
>kill knights of Ren
>both unite to kill Palpy
>Daddy Palpy is mad at Rey cuz she a shit successor and not evil
>so he gonna kill her and Ren and eat their souls to become young again
>bunch of Death Star Destroyers pop out of ground with Sith Troopers
>Resistance gonna take out Pryde's ship which holds guiding beacon for Destroyers to follow outside Unknown Regions
>Resistance led by Finn, Sis and Rose on space horses ride on ships to fight Sith Troopers
>Lando and Chewie lead charge against flagship in Falcon with help of Snap, Klaud, Wedge and not-Ackbar (and Nien Nub who doesn't deserve this)
>Wedge supposedly dies
>Palpy puts Rey and Ren through harsh challenges and illusions
>Kylo gets killed by Palpy and he eats his energy to make him young and powerful again
>Palpy beats Rey
>Rey summons all jedi ghosts including Ren to kill Palpy
>Rey disables entire empire fleet of donut steel destroyers with Avatar powers
>Finn and gang break into flagship and has all ships shoot each other
>Bad guys dead
>Poe does something ambiguously gay for woke points and secured positive news coverage from CNN and Twitter
>Everyone celebrates
>Rey morns fuckers she hardly knew
>Everyone goes to Tatooine (the place Luke hated) and bury his, Leia and Han's stuff there
>some old dude asks Rey who she is
>"I'm Rey Skywalker"
>Don't waste money to see this shit heap. Just pirate it if you're curious.


Shortest format:
>gang gets a magic dagger mcguffin
>they translate it
>it leads them to mcguffin that leads them to Palpatine
>LEIA DIES
>big member berry space battle with space horses
>KYLO REN DIES
>Rey is Palpy's grandkid
>Rey becomes Avatar the Last Jedi
>Rey kills Palpatine and saves da world
>everyone goes to Tatooine
>Rey is now a Skywalker for some reason
>don't pay to see this for the love of humanity! why would you give them your money for this? Just pirate it, use a different ticket or Solid Snake your way into the theater
 
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friedshrimp

uwuu
kiwifarms.net
I like how despite how the wokesters claimed how this movie series was the pinnacle of diversity, you gotta love all the token characters are shoved in the background so the focus relies entirely on white Mary Sue and her Emo School Schooter toyfuck.

ALSO YES DEATH TO STORMPILOT. I can't wait for the SJWs to pile on to Boyega and Isaac like wild dogs. It's what they deserve for pandering to the fujoshits.
 

Notgoodwithusernames

My wife’s boyfriend is my son
kiwifarms.net
Alright, here's a simple easy-to-read greentext of all leaks and spoilers made to be as simple as possible while only focusing on keynotes (made with help from @Dr W).

>Rey and Leia training on Endor
>Kylo Ren meets Palpatine on Byss Exogol by using the mcguffin/wayfinder inside Vader's helmet
>FO hangs out there now
>Resistance is useless on Ajan Kloss (includes Rose, not-Ackbar, Yellow Yoda, Wedge, Nien Nub, Snap and BASED KLAUD)
>Resistance informant Bobliobobobobo is working for Hux
>Bobobo gets killed by assassin
>Everyone reunites for Operation: S.I.T.H. D.A.G.G.E.R
>Go to Not-Tatooine 2 for Burning Man to find old sith assassin called Ochi
>some old dude asks Rey who she is and says she don't know "nobody knows"
>meet Lando who has Ochi's dagger
>Siths now have stupid tradition where they write down all their secrets on their daggers for some damn reason
>"I got a bad feeling about this"
>everyone escapes on Ochi's ship which now serves as nu-Falcon
>Take C-3PO to not-Hoth 2 which is a ice asteroid to meet Crazy Frog the Droid Tinkerer so he can be programmed to read stupid dagger runes
>meet lady Boba Fett who is Poe's ex-gf (WHAT A COINCIDENCE!)
>she takes them to Crazy Frog
>3PO has meaningless fake out death by getting memories erased and now reads dagger words
>magic words make Rey see not-Endor where evil mcguffin/wayfinder is so they go there
>Drax shows up and sells them out to the FO
>they escape and go to not-Endor
>R2 reveals he has a backup of 3PO
>Hux gets killed and is replaced with Wyte Pryde who is his killer
>Stronk blak wahmyn aka Finn's sister with bow shows up and takes them to Death Star ruins on horses who are tard-ified versions of old aliens
>Rey sees evil violent Rey who is a vision when she touches mcguffin
>Kylo Ren magically shows up
>stops vision and talks about Palpy
>then Ren tries to kill Rey
>big battle on water with death star floating and memberberries
>Rey wins
>flashback reveals that Luke didn't want to train Rey cuz she's Palpy's descendant (OMG JJ RETCONNED TLJ! BASED JJ! HE SAVED LUKE AND SW! PRAISE DISNEY! PRAISE JJ! OMGZZZZZZZZZZ!!! [jizzes soy])
>Leia dies
>crew goes back to Ajan Kloss
>everyone cries cuz Leia dead again
>Rey gets Leia's lightsaber
>Lando says "hope"
>everyone's happy again
>Rey uses Wayfinder to show everyone how to get to Exogol in the Unknown Regions to attack FO and Palpy
>Emo Ren is alive and returns to Palpatine
>Palpatine mad
>Palpatine has knights of Ren fight Emo Ren
>big space battle full of memberberries and a bunch of OT and Disney EU ships as they arrive on Exogol
>Rey goes alone
>Rey confronts Palpatine
>senses Emo Ren in trouble
>gives him spare saber
>kill knights of Ren
>both unite to kill Palpy
>Daddy Palpy is mad at Rey cuz she a shit successor and not evil
>so he gonna kill her and Ren and eat their souls to become young again
>bunch of Death Star Destroyers pop out of ground with Sith Troopers
>Resistance gonna take out Pryde's ship which holds guiding beacon for Destroyers to follow outside Unknown Regions
>Resistance led by Finn, Sis and Rose on space horses ride on ships to fight Sith Troopers
>Lando and Chewie lead charge against flagship with help of Snap, Klaud, Wedge and not-Ackbar (and Nien Nub who doesn't deserve this)
>Wedge supposedly dies
>Palpy puts Rey and Ren through harsh challenges and illusions
>Kylo gets killed by Palpy and he eats his energy to make him young and powerful again
>Palpy beats Rey
>Rey summons all jedi ghosts including Ren to kill Palpy
>Rey disables entire empire fleet of donut steel destroyers with Avatar powers
>Finn and gang break into flagship and has all ships shoot each other
>Bad guys dead
>Poe does something ambiguously gay for woke points and secured positive news coverage from CNN and Twitter
>Everyone celebrates
>Rey morns fuckers she hardly knew
>Everyone goes to Tatooine (the place Luke hated) and bury his, Leia and Han's stuff there
>some old dude asks Rey who she is
>"I'm Rey Skywalker"
>Don't go to this movie


Shortest format:
>gang gets a magic dagger mcguffin
>they translate it
>it leads them to mcguffin that leads them to Palpatine
>LEIA DIES
>big member berry space battle with space horses
>KYLO REN DIES
>Rey is Palpy's grandkid
>Rey becomes Avatar the Last Jedi
>Rey kills Palpatine and saves da world
>everyone goes to Tatooine
>Rey is now a Skywalker for some reason
>don't go see this for the love of humanity why would you give them your money for this?
I'm going to see this thing through to the fucking end. It's like visiting a dying relative in their final hours: its a horrible unpleasant exerience but you feel obligated to see it through to the end just to get a sense of closure. This is it... the last dance... the twilight of an era... the beginning of the end... the fall of an empire
 
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