The Foreskin and Chris's Ass Thread

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CatParty

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Hey.

I collect VHS Tapes and was wondering if there could be a way to acquire the ones that are seen in various photographs Chris has uploaded. In the long run, VHS tapes degrade quickly if left in deplorable conditions (such as the dirtinest of Chris's room and the yellow mist) and I would like to rescue whatever content Chris has got on those tapes. They deserve in the hands of someone who will take proper care of them, someone who would preserve them.

You know, a VHS Cassette tape is the closest we will ever have to a Time Machine.

Why? Pop one in. Watch it on your TV. You will see into the past through the commercials, news broadcasts, even your own memories. I have like over 150 tapes I recorded from 2002-2011. I got Pokemon, South Park, Teen Titans, all sorts of the shows I watched back then. I got a lot of old movies tapes off ABC & TBS from the 80s my grandparents did. I've gone through all of those just to watch the commercials.

Movies I recored on tape include.

Cujo (but it wasn't fully recorded, so its been replaced with-)
Streets of Fire (wish I could find an actual TV recorded and not a Netflix record)
Child's Play 3
Scooby Doo on Zombie Island
Back to the Future
Back to the Future 2
Back to the Future 3 (My very first recorded trilogy in 1998-1999!)

And probably many more.

I also got a shit load of Game Shows recorded. I love game shows.

But I'm getting off topic here... Back to Chris. So is there a way to contact a field agent, Anna McLeran, Mic, o
 

exball

He's fat! Iiiiii'm thin!
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Jun 21, 2013
How much longer will he keep being so optimistic about finding a sweetheart? If he could just embrace his true self, he could be happy.
I mean, I'm a 24 year old virgin too but i'm happy with just living my peaceful life, playing video games and watching movies.
Maybe when he turns 50 he'll realize it's too late and maybe he'll be back on youtube making videos about ps6 games and be himself again.
 

CatParty

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How much longer will he keep being so optimistic about finding a sweetheart? If he could just embrace his true self, he could be happy.
I mean, I'm a 24 year old virgin too but i'm happy with just living my peaceful life, playing video games and watching movies.
Maybe when he turns 50 he'll realize it's too late and maybe he'll be back on youtube making videos about ps6 games and be himself again.


Mirth is a sudden, quick outburst of happy emotion. Such things happen to children when they find the presents they asked for under the tree, or when daddy comes home from the army.

I've seen all the times where Chris, now and then, should be experiencing Mirth, but isn't. His interview with the news channel about winning the Sonic contest showed him as not a little boy happy he won a once-in a lifetime contest, but as a smug prick thinking he deserved it. Bob sure did have mirth going on though. Happy his autistic son has hundreds of video games to keep him shut...

He never once actually smiled for the camera. From down to his three year old portrait, he expressed no happiness, no mirth that he still looked like a cute little boy that the young china could be interested in. *yawn*

He wasn't even happy he got the Shogun Megazord for Christmas, just Mr. Frowny face.

I don't get it. Frankly, I am jealous of all the games he has. I'd be in mirth if I had that, yet I live a crap life just like Chris, but I still can be happy!

In fact, it's not even that hard to feel Mirth. You just have to open up to new things. Like 80s music. Or drinking a Kahlua bottle on a walk and trip out. Of course, there's no such thing as "try" for Chris.

He is perfectly happy doing God knows what in between playing PS3, eating Healthy McRaps and getting in trouble with the law. Every single goddamn day. No :tugboat: for a freaking vacation even.

If he'd start to feel Mirth, he might get :heart-full: without the need of a woman and perhaps it'll even get him a girl subsequently.
 

exball

He's fat! Iiiiii'm thin!
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Jun 21, 2013
Alright, gaylords and fanny pirates alike, we have a situation.

Our Pet Lolcow has limited his online presence significantly: the only real connection to the net he has is his facebook. Our agents have had their plans to veer him off the straight path interrupted.

I have gathered us all here, today, to ask the tough question:

How are we going to turn Chris homo?
 

Sanae Kochiya

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Mar 25, 2015
Alright, gaylords and fanny pirates alike, we have a situation.

Our Pet Lolcow has limited his online presence significantly: the only real connection to the net he has is his facebook. Our agents have had their plans to veer him off the straight path interrupted.

I have gathered us all here, today, to ask the tough question:

How are we going to turn Chris homo?
I recommend a Megan sock.
 

CatParty

Boo
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Feb 3, 2013
There will come a sad day in the future when this FAT FUCK will die and we will hath lost our most prized LULZCOW.

We should all realize that this FAT FUCK is not forever... One of these days, he's going to get dick slapped by a homosexual black man, and then he is going to kill himself on the youtube in shame (accidentally I might add, because we know he couldn't technically do it himself). That is, after he pulls his pants down in church and uploads it to the internet in order to prove that he is straight. So when the time comes for his inevitable burial.

So that's why we must form a DEATH DAY PARTY for our friend, Christian Weston Chandler. I'm saying we should IRL crash & raid his funeral, turning it into a "FUN!"-eral, wearing Guy Fawkes :epik: masks and pickle suits :pickle: and all "PARTY HARD!!!" with loud music, free food, and drink. Flamboyant homosexuals are utmost welcome :heart-full: .

We should spend the time there giving all these "sincere" mementos and speeches about how Christian sucked and how the state of Virginia will be better off without him and how the mysterious smell has finally dissipated!

Most importantly, the "big speech", we must recite his entire life and all his failures to everyone there, starting from his failure to say mommie (MUNKY!) to his creation Sonichu, to the inevitable future moment when he pulls his pants down in church and gets heroically raped by a homosexual black man.

Then, after we finish telling our audience every single minor detail, complete with projector screens showing every CWC video from the CWCville library youtube channel, in chronological order I may add, we will all proceed to spit, fart, piss, shit, and masturbate on his tombstone, kicking it and screaming "FUCK LIFE! WHAT A WASTE!" "FUCK YOUR LIFE! WHAT A WASTE!" and write "REST IN PIECES FAG" on the headstone while other may pour pickles and tartar sauce all over his grave. Firecrackers are also a necessity, I would suggest lighting them off at the start of our raid, as hundreds of picklemen storm the gates open blasting confetti over bystanders.

I'd itch to dig up the corpse and set it on fire but I digress that to be too much, because the smell of burning ASS and AXE would be FAR too much to handle. However I will say by the time we start to close out we will bring forth the shattered remains of his treasured Sonichu medallion. We sprinkle the hardened crayola model magic shards on the mess of pickles and tartar sauce like nuts on a sundae. The cherry. you may ask? His high school ring.

After we're done, and everybody cheers us for our grand show, we pass out political activist pamphlets for abortion (:_( and against welfare :tugboat: , for we must educate America on how to prevent fucktards.

And thus, the first, and last CWC convention. It would be the perfect spot for the first and last "CWC"-con, with major trolling celebrities welcome to come. The red carpet should definitely be rolled out for Blue Spike and Liquid Chris. In the course of the main events, such as the "big speech", panels will be held by the likes of veterans trolling celebrities and JULAY! :julay: fags alike.

After all, if the endless supply of LULZ were to die, we have to make sure it goes out with a BANG!

FUNeral X-Travaganza.jpg