The Retail Horror Thread 2: More Tales to Chill your Bones -

Ido

Discord Dominatrix
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Fuck couples that stand there and bicker about what to buy three minutes before my shift ends. Fuck you with a rake if it's a complicated order three minutes before my shift ends.
I had a couple yelling at each other once, from across the store right before we were supposed to close. They came in a few nights later and the husband told me she was a bitch, and while he was dead on he didn't really need to do pull me into it... he then proceeded to be a big douche and talk to the cashier about getting so drunk he could hardly stand some times, while also yelling his wife out of the store.

At least those two were entertaining, there was also a goth 30-ish year old couple that would come in and have me get a bunch of shit for them, every time my back was turned they'd spring into a full make out session and I'd have to interrupt them to hand them their things.

They were equally as bad.
 

Ava_Merlot

"I feel beautiful" - Longfurb
kiwifarms.net
I work at joanns, where hells gate is the front entrance and demons customers walk in.


And today, I wanted to slap a certain customer pretty fucking bad. So we're slammed at the front, I call for backup and this woman and her poor husband comes to my register. They have Christmas stuff, which is already 50-60% off, and I ring it up. She asks if we honor micheals coupons. I tell her yes we do and before I could finish she cuts me off and shows me a 20% total purchase coupon from micheals. I tell her that we only honor micheals 40-60% off one item coupons only. For some reason, her husband understands, but she does not. She gets pissed and says but it's just a coupon, like a 40% one. And I was so close to saying okay, well tell me which item you want to take 20% off. But I told her that due to our store policy I cant accept 20% total purchase coupons from competitors. Somehow not getting this through her thick skull, even her husband is trying to tell her to cool her jets. She gets even more pissed and tells me shes not gonna buy the stuff and shop at micheals instead. I tell her, okay, have a nice day! And ask for another customer to ring out.

As a side note, micheals used to sync coupons with us, and then they stopped, which pisses off everyone.
 

DrJonesHat

All-around bad person
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Would call centers count as retail? I worked for one of the two satellite TV providers and people were mystified and furious that when their introductory offer expired their bill went up. We'd get bitched out for the networks changing time slots on a show or cancelling them, and we'd always refer them to the network saying we have no control over content. Our biggest headache was the fact that we didn't build technician visits into the bill, so if you wanted one, it was $99. I thought it was bullshit, but that's how it is. People would yell for 30 minutes about that. My funniest call was a guy who insisted we made some NBA team lose the playoffs on purpose. I finally convinced him we weren't the Illuminati (though we're pretty much a giant criminal conspiracy), and he hung up. My supervisor was listening in and she submitted the call for an award the company gave out for dealing with particularly difficult calls. I didn't get it but it became a running joke in my section that I could make people's favorite teams lose.
EDIT: I'm totally going to knock the New England Patriots out of the running for the Super Bowl. Because I can.
 
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James Howlett

I'm the best at what I do.
kiwifarms.net
I work at joanns, where hells gate is the front entrance and demons customers walk in.


And today, I wanted to slap a certain customer pretty fucking bad. So we're slammed at the front, I call for backup and this woman and her poor husband comes to my register. They have Christmas stuff, which is already 50-60% off, and I ring it up. She asks if we honor micheals coupons. I tell her yes we do and before I could finish she cuts me off and shows me a 20% total purchase coupon from micheals. I tell her that we only honor micheals 40-60% off one item coupons only. For some reason, her husband understands, but she does not. She gets pissed and says but it's just a coupon, like a 40% one. And I was so close to saying okay, well tell me which item you want to take 20% off. But I told her that due to our store policy I cant accept 20% total purchase coupons from competitors. Somehow not getting this through her thick skull, even her husband is trying to tell her to cool her jets. She gets even more pissed and tells me shes not gonna buy the stuff and shop at micheals instead. I tell her, okay, have a nice day! And ask for another customer to ring out.

As a side note, micheals used to sync coupons with us, and then they stopped, which pisses off everyone.
Haha, I did Joanne's for like 6 months in the frame shop. I've worked a handful of retail gigs, but I'm convinced craft stores have the highest ratio of old women that just shop there so they can bitch for 15 minutes and feel victorious when they save 29 cents. They don't care about saving money, they care about making a scene to get their way.
 

James Howlett

I'm the best at what I do.
kiwifarms.net
No.

Kill them. Find them, make them hurt before you end it. Nobody should have to listen to christmas before thanksgiving is even over.

Or at all. Christmas music sucks.

Edit: Except for Baby it's Cold Outside. That's the only good one.
Anytime "walking in a winter wonderland" starts to play, my eye twitches and for some reason I start thinking about fire axes. Sorry for the double post.
 

The Un-Clit

Can you find it? come on in, look closer!
kiwifarms.net
Anytime "walking in a winter wonderland" starts to play, my eye twitches and for some reason I start thinking about fire axes. Sorry for the double post.
For me it's that gawdawful version of 'Silent Night' that has been suddenly popular the last 5 years or so with the annoying black bitch moaning the individual words as long as the whole fucking stanza goes musically: siiiiiiiilllleeeennnnntt.......NIIIIIGhhhAAAIIITT!!!!......Hooooooooooh.....Leeeeeeee........NIIIIGHAAAYAAAATT!!!!! etc etc. drags the fucking song out for 15 minutes and all the time I am looking for something sharp to stab into my earholes and end the pain in any fucking manner possible....

I hate Christmas music so much.
 

Moloch

Prince of Dorkness
kiwifarms.net
People who come into my store (I work at a metaphysical/hippy/headshop) with their children and teens to buy pipes and dildos. Its trashy as fuck and it's always white trash that does it. Sometimes they even come in to buy them for their kids (most of the time it's mothers getting it for their 13-16 year old daughters for some reason). I always refuse the sale if they display any suspicious behavior or (more often than not) straight up brag and joke about buying it for them.

Kratom heads, junkies and homeless people begging for free samples of kratom.

Dumb teenagers with fake ID's who get pissy when I check their ID with a blacklight and they get caught (again it's girls 95% of the time).

Having to explain the difference between a "Dry herb vape" a "concentrate vape" a "cartridge battery" and a "vape" aka "douche flute" (we don't sell the flutes) to literally everyone, and it always ends in "Uhhh... Can I smoke [insert form of cannabis] out of it?" It's not legal where I live so I always have to ask them to leave and they always get pissy on Google about it.

I have more. Just can't remember. I'll post more when I remember or when something happens at work.
 

TheImportantFart

David Blowioff
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
All I Want For Christmas Is You-Mariah Carey is my murder trigger.

I've begged work to play some alternative Christmas music but apparently Fear's Christmas song 'isn't appropriate'.
Every year, I compose a scatological parody of a popular Christmas song. My personal favourite was the year before last when I produced “Block the Lavatory”, a parody of “Stop the Cavalry” by Jona Lewie.

Maybe I’ll give Mariah the treatment this year, just for you...
 

Moloch

Prince of Dorkness
kiwifarms.net
Do these dumb fuckers not realize if they're undercover and you answer that with anything other than kicking them the fuck out, the entire place gets shut down forever?

I got a Google review one from this Mexican who brought his Atmos Jump (it's a dry herb vape) back to the store because it was broken. It still had weed in it. I kicked him out. Dude got so asshurt over this he even left reviews on facebook amd IG. Like full page complaints telling the owner to fire me. We've also had people bring used bongs in asking us to fix them or replace them. [Black] People come in all the time asking to buy weed.

So yes, people are fucking exceptional and don't understand how this shit works.
 

drtoboggan

Eat Rotten Fruit From a Shitty Tree.
kiwifarms.net
Every year, I compose a scatological parody of a popular Christmas song. My personal favourite was the year before last when I produced “Block the Lavatory”, a parody of “Stop the Cavalry” by Jona Lewie.

Maybe I’ll give Mariah the treatment this year, just for you...
This is the best Christmas tradition I've heard since celebrating Festivus instead.
 

Sexy Times Hitler

Two-thirds slow, one-third amazing
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
All I Want For Christmas Is You-Mariah Carey is my murder trigger.

I've begged work to play some alternative Christmas music but apparently Fear's Christmas song 'isn't appropriate'.
I've been really lucky because none of my jobs have ever played Christmas music, but I do have to put up with Jimmy Buffett and The Eagles playing at the bar regardless of season.
Every year, I compose a scatological parody of a popular Christmas song. My personal favourite was the year before last when I produced “Block the Lavatory”, a parody of “Stop the Cavalry” by Jona Lewie.

Maybe I’ll give Mariah the treatment this year, just for you...
"All I Want For Christmas is Poo"?
 

The Un-Clit

Can you find it? come on in, look closer!
kiwifarms.net
People who come into my store (I work at a metaphysical/hippy/headshop) with their children and teens to buy pipes and dildos. Its trashy as fuck and it's always white trash that does it. Sometimes they even come in to buy them for their kids (most of the time it's mothers getting it for their 13-16 year old daughters for some reason). I always refuse the sale if they display any suspicious behavior or (more often than not) straight up brag and joke about buying it for them.

Kratom heads, junkies and homeless people begging for free samples of kratom.

Dumb teenagers with fake ID's who get pissy when I check their ID with a blacklight and they get caught (again it's girls 95% of the time).

Having to explain the difference between a "Dry herb vape" a "concentrate vape" a "cartridge battery" and a "vape" aka "douche flute" (we don't sell the flutes) to literally everyone, and it always ends in "Uhhh... Can I smoke [insert form of cannabis] out of it?" It's not legal where I live so I always have to ask them to leave and they always get pissy on Google about it.

I have more. Just can't remember. I'll post more when I remember or when something happens at work.
I gotta admit, if I was still in the 'retail' phase of my life I would have LOVED to work in a head shop. However it never was a real possibility as the only headshops were downtown, and I was NOT going to take a fucking 3-hour commute to work for minimum wage.

Instead I got my first retail job at the 24-hour convenience store I was almost killed at. :p (see my retail horror at https://kiwifarms.net/threads/the-retail-horror-thread-2-more-tales-to-chill-your-bones.11237/page-55#post-2528762.)

There is a very cool store that matches the description of where you work at in downtown Vancouver called the 'Urban Shaman' and not only does it have a fantastic collection of metaphysical books with a strong bent on classical (vs neopagan shamanism) shamanic traditions among various cultures, but an insane selection of bongs and other smoking systems, including (last time I was there) an authentic gas-mask converted into a bong that you wear and smoke in. They also carried almost every still legal and outright borderline-legal drug like peyote buttons, Peruvian torch, Kratom of course from various nations and varying strength (GREAT stuff btw) Salvia both dried and concentrated up to 30x (HORRIFYING stuff, do NOT touch it at all. It's fucking terror-inducing.) psilocybe cubensis spores for growing at home and many more things like jungle herbs for making DMT and many more obscure things like yohimbe bark.

This was before 'vaping' became a thing of course, I am sure they have a huge selection of that kind of stuff now. Still, that mask was THE most Metal conversion bong i've ever seen.

They also never had to fear talking about using their equipment for weed as they had a full 'social club' for medicinal marijuana smokers upstairs, and now that weed has been legalized in Canada, I am sure it's now open to all comers.

However having visited a head-shop in the U.S. some time ago, I know that you poor bastards have to boot out anyone who starts talking about or asking for weed or else risk losing the business. I hope that you Yanks follow suit soon, however with Pmurt in command, laws pertaining to the criminalization of anything with THC in it are not likely to get rolled back any time soon.
 
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AnOminous

do you see what happens
True & Honest Fan
Retired Staff
kiwifarms.net
I hope that you Yanks follow suit soon, however with Pmurt in command, laws pertaining to the criminalization of anything with THC in it are not likely to get rolled back any time soon.
Actually Trump has in the past and even during his campaign stated a general support for the idea of dropping the federal marijuana ban. It was Jeff Sessions who had the weird hateboner for weed.

If he wants to start a gigantic shitstorm he should dump a call for legalizing weed some time in 2019.
 

The Un-Clit

Can you find it? come on in, look closer!
kiwifarms.net
Actually Trump has in the past and even during his campaign stated a general support for the idea of dropping the federal marijuana ban. It was Jeff Sessions who had the weird hateboner for weed.

If he wants to start a gigantic shitstorm he should dump a call for legalizing weed some time in 2019.
Yeah, Jeff Sessions was the asshole behind those annoying as fuck 'winners dont use drugs!' splash screen on damn near every domestic North American arcade machine from 1987 and beyond.

However, that's DAMN interesting news about Trump! I honestly never would have expected it, even though the Federal and state governments stand to reap a windfall in tax revenue and reduced costs persecuting the 'war on drugs' by removing the criminal classification of the most popular one. I guess that Teh Drumpf is still a businessman at heart, and sees that potential windfall as well.
 
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