What’s the dumbest thing you’ve done because your brain was on autopilot? -

Smaug's Smokey Hole

Gammalt bröd rostar aldrig.
Chucked a Wii and some games into the dumpster, didn't notice it for a couple of weeks. A friend had borrowed it and left it by the door in a plastic bag, we're classy like that.

Headed out to work without my glasses or contacts. 20 minutes into my journey I realized that I didn't see shit.

Forgot to disable my old style alarm clock so one saturday morning at 5am, drunk, tired and very confused, I auto-piloted to work. The commute is over an hour. The place was empty so I grabbed a cup of coffee and sat there for a while.

The biggest auto-pilot thing that I can think of happened to a friend a long time ago, he was a guy that can be called an original, he didn't function like anyone else.
He was visiting another friend in a city he wasn't familiar with and at one point he decided to head out and buy some beer for when his buddy got home from work. He managed to find the state owned and overpriced alcohol store then headed back to the area of absolutely identical two story row houses, clone stamped in a way that would make Lenin proud.


He went into the wrong cluster. The right house, the right door, but on the wrong side.
The door was unlocked so he yanked the handle and went in, kicked off his shoes and went to the living room and sat down on the couch. He had figured out that it wasn't the right place, this wasn't a bachelors apartment, so he sat there and cracked a beer while having a think, staring into the wall. It was a bit awkward, the couple living there was looking at him, him being a very large and silent man drinking alone in their living room for unknown reasons.
They were nice though, Jehova's Witnesses, and after having his think/drink they talked and he got the right directions, apologized and went to the right place.

This story was told to my buddy that was living there by the couple themselves, my other buddy didn't think it was worth mentioning until it was brought up.
I make morning coffee in a French press, and I keep my sugar and ground coffee in these vacuum sealed glass jars. On a few occasions, I've put the kettle on, dumped a few spoons of coffee into the French press and then poured the hot water into the jar of coffee grounds instead of the press. I've also made coffee successfully, taken some sugar from the jar and put it into my cup, and then poured coffee out of the press into the sugar jar.


i got lost in a hot topic on the way here
True & Honest Fan
I'll regularly accidentally answer my friends or family in retail after pulling a long shift or working too many days straight. Like being asked where something is in my house and then saying "oh it looks like we're out of that right now."


Milled wedges.
On multiple occasions I've walked up to a urinal and fiddled with my dick for a solid minute trying to get it out of the flap, only to realize that I had my boxers on backwards.
  • Thunk-Provoking
Reactions: Smaug's Smokey Hole


Hot cup of tea in one hand, dry bowl of cereal in the other, chatting with a friend who was staying over. I started to pour the tea into the cereal, and only realized what I was doing when half of the tea was already in the bowl. My friend was talking and didn't pause or acknowledge my mistake, so I played it casual and kept pouring.
It wasn't autopilot so much as I was nervous and starting to crack (bad day), but I made a joke to my Mexican girlfriend about having to check my wallets around Mexicans.

Kiwi Lime Pie

Uncompromisably tasteful. 🥝🥧🐈
This past winter, I had to get a new gas cap for my car when the old one would no longer seal properly. Because I wanted a locking cap, my only choice was one without a tether -- unlike my prior cap that had one -- to connect it to the gas tank access door.

Last month, I had to take my mom shopping and stopped for gas on the way. It wasn't until we reached the store that I realized I was so focused on getting my receipt and continuing to the store that I never put the gas cap back on and drove off without it. As an added bonus, I didn't close the tank's access door either.

Needless to say, I added a stop to the auto part store on the way back home. This time, I insisted on a gas cap with a tether.


Not nearly as dramatic, I've had a couple of times where I've poured cereal and grabbed the closest jug that is usually the m1lk only to fill my cereal bowl with juice instead.


Never amount to anything! And they were right.
Apart from waking up this morning, it was constantly being distracted by unimportant shit and not focusing on the main game. I mean, like in my teens why should I give a fuck about whales or rain forests or global warming. The main game is making sure you can survive the apocalypse.


Arise, Sir Leg of Lamb
Probably not the dumbest thing I did, but I remember accidentally seasoning oatmeal with paprika instead of cinnamon. Yuck


#1 Wogglebug Fan
True & Honest Fan
I used to make burgers by starting them on the stove, then putting the pan in the oven to finish them off. After I took them out and placed the pan back on the stove to serve them, I would occasionally grab the pan handle to steady it as I picked out a patty, because the handle of the pan doesn't get hot, right? Well, it does if it comes out of the oven, you dingus. Several hundred degrees hot. After doing this twice I decided to switch my burger-making method to stovetop only.


Years ago I nearly "recovered" my PayPal account from some kind Indians.
But that's okay because even though I dodged that bullet I found out a respectable company had accidentally spilled everyone's information anyway.

About Us

The Kiwi Farms is about eccentric individuals and communities on the Internet. We call them lolcows because they can be milked for amusement or laughs. Our community is bizarrely diverse and spectators are encouraged to join the discussion.

We do not place intrusive ads, host malware, sell data, or run crypto miners with your browser. If you experience these things, you have a virus. If your malware system says otherwise, it is faulty.

Supporting the Forum

How to Help

The Kiwi Farms is constantly attacked by insane people and very expensive to run. It would not be here without community support.

BTC: 1DgS5RfHw7xA82Yxa5BtgZL65ngwSk6bmm
ETH: 0xc1071c60Ae27C8CC3c834E11289205f8F9C78CA5
BAT: 0xc1071c60Ae27C8CC3c834E11289205f8F9C78CA5
XMR: 438fUMciiahbYemDyww6afT1atgqK3tSTX25SEmYknpmenTR6wvXDMeco1ThX2E8gBQgm9eKd1KAtEQvKzNMFrmjJJpiino