Which song do you hate the most? - Air your anger.

Spunt

A Leading Source of Experimental Internet Gas
kiwifarms.net
We all have songs we don't like. Some songs are annoying, some are boring, some are unpleasant listening experiences, or are just OK songs that get played way too much.

But this thread is for songs that go much further than that. These are songs that you HATE. Not dislike, but truly, viscerally, HATE. Songs that make you feel rage, disgust, despair at the mere idea of this song. Songs you hate every aspect of. Songs you hate so much that they make you hate the artist (even if they have made other music that is much better), the musicians, the producers, and anyone stupid enough to actually like these songs. Songs that make you hate all of humanity to a genocidal degree.

You can nominate more than one song, but if you're just listing loads of songs you don't like you're doing it wrong. If you hate hundreds of songs enough to enter a frothing, homicidal rage, then the problem is probably you, not the song, and you should get help.

That said, as I sit here and write this, I can think of a number of songs I really, really hate and I need to get off my chest. So these are my dishonourable mentions before I get to the two songs that make me want to exterminatus the entire human race.

Phil Collins - Another Day in Paradise. A song about the homeless written by a tax exile. Fuck off, Phil Collins.
The Police - Roxanne. Sting is a great musician and has made a few good songs - but I can't forgive him for this ear-grating, whiny slice of shit pie.
Lil Pump - Gucci Gang. A vapid, zero-effort song about vapid consumerism. Musically lazy, horrible vocal performance, anyone who actually likes this song is someone whose opinions, on any topic, should be ignored.
Don McLean - Vincent. Only in the Spoony thread can you find an equally potent cocktail of narcissism and self-pity as this dirge, which my mum liked so much she put it on the mixtape that was playing in the car on the way to and from school for about five years when I was a kid. It's supposedly a song about Vincent van Gough, but it's really a song about Don McLean. You see, Vincent van Gough was a tortured misunderstood genius, just like Don McLean, and he goes on about this for four minutes, but it feels like four years. Fuck you, Don McLean. "American Pie" was shit too. Get over yourself.
Annie Lennox - No More I Love You's. Like Sting, Annie Lennox has made good music. This is not good music. This may be some kind of psy-op by the music industry to target me personally, by making a song designed in every way to annoy me as much as possible. Dubba dubba dub dub dub - AAAAHHH!!
The View - Same Jeans. The Nadir of Landfill Indie, there was a time in the early-mid 2000s when any berk with a leather jacket and scruffy hair could get a record deal provided their band looked fashionable and was named "The [something]". This was the kind of garbage that killed Indie music stone dead. A friend of a friend of a friend was a groupie for this band and slept with the lead singer. Apparently he was "shite".

But here's the two worst. I can't figure out which I hate more, because to do that I would have to think about these songs and I have things to do today other than smash things.

Cher Lloyd - Swagger Jagger


Holy shit if the 21st Century could be summed up by one song this is it. Utterly bankrupt plastic manufactured pop by a Pop Idol winner with no talent. Its melody is plagarised note-for-note from "Oh My Darling Clementine", a 19th century folk lament about a man's grief and guilt after he failed to save his fiancee from drowning because he couldn't swim. So a natural fit for a noisy, thumpy pop song about how you have "Swag". The fact that this song is about "Swag" in the first place should be enough to put everyone involved in a camp, but add the utter talentlessness and sheer cynicism of its creation and marketing, the fact that Simon Cowell was involved, not to mention that this video has over a hundred million views, then this song is pretty much conclusive proof that Al Qaeda were right all along.

(I signed out of Youtube to get the link to the video because I don't want to dirty my internet history with it. No lie. I know I can remove it from my history, but I don't want it there in the first place. Basic self-respect).

The Ting Tings - That's Not My Name


Speaking of plagarism, this garbage steals its entire rhythm and bassline from "Hey Mickey", which is a very shit and annoying song in its own right. But "Hey Mickey" had choruses, which had a melody, but for some reason they just use the verse and some irritating bint yells tuneless, empty girl-power nonsense over it over and over and over until the song ends or you book yourself in with Dr. Kervorkian, whichever happens sooner. These talentless leeches latched on to the Landfill Indie phenomenon, but were somehow even worse because they weren't a real band and didn't write real songs. This song stands as a monument to just how much you can achieve with the right industry friends despite not even producing a sound that has all the required elements to be considered "music" (in that way it predicted things like Trap in being literally all marketing and no music). Hateful, vile, empty and inexplicably popular amongst people who attend the kind of parties that end with one girl crying on the stairs wearing one shoe and holding a bottle of expensive gin.
 

Bubble Ba'ath

kiwifarms.net
Oh this is an extremely easy one for me. If you were a young kid in the late 90s/early oughts every mom in the universe listened to the worst genre of all time, something I could only describe as Dentist Office Waiting Room Soft Rock Momcore. Every time you got into a bubblegum and soda stain smelling minivan of your friends parents the genre would be omnipresent. 4 Non Blondes, The Cardigans, Semisonic, Goo Goo Dolls, Matchbox 20, etc. Just the most bloodless soulless neoliberalism-as-culture dreck imaginable blaring forth in an endless cacophony of suburbcore. It was the music genre for proto-Karens who were convinced that Joe Lieberman was saving their kids from becoming serial killers on behalf of Id software and that Oprah was their savior.

The worst offender not just in lameness but in ubiquity on radio stations was Natalie Imbruglia's single hit "Torn". If you so much as entered a mom-car at any point in the day in the y2k era you would be guaranteed to hear this song at least twice. It played on an hourly basis and it was fucking awful. To this day it is and probably forever will remain my most hated song of all time. It plays on loop in the deepest pits of hell.

If you want to know why there was so much super cringe edge in that era (that stuff was also terrible of course) it was in reaction to shit like this. Momcore drug the whole world down, even those rebelling against it. Forget the claims of nostalgic selective memories, this was the true culture of the post-Nirvana 90s.

 

Mealy Mouth Spittle

kiwifarms.net
My nails on a chalkboard song is "Old Town Road".

Just hearing it makes me irrationally angry. I would listen to Rebecca Black's "Friday" on repeat for a solid year before I'd voluntarily listen to "Old Town Road" one time. I have no idea why it pushes my buttons as much as it does, but it is the worst song I've ever heard. And Lil Nas X is a massive faggot who should be shunned from society for raping our ears with this shit.
 

Beautiful Border

kiwifarms.net
Tones and I - Dance Monkey. Holy fuck, I have never hated a song as much as I have this one. It's childish, stupid, soulless, obnoxious, it's the Grubhub advert in music form. And what's worse is that it was everywhere in 2019. If you worked in retail, God help you. Hell, if you had to sit in a public place that played music, God help you. The voice is like nails on a chalkboard, the instrumentation is barren and empty, there's absolutely nothing about this song that's likeable. I actively wish misfortune on the person who made this song and would derive immense personal satisfaction from the knowledge they are miserable.

 

JuanButNotForgotten

Friendly Mexican Ghost
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Tones and I - Dance Monkey. Holy fuck, I have never hated a song as much as I have this one. It's childish, stupid, soulless, obnoxious, it's the Grubhub advert in music form. And what's worse is that it was everywhere in 2019. If you worked in retail, God help you. Hell, if you had to sit in a public place that played music, God help you. The voice is like nails on a chalkboard, the instrumentation is barren and empty, there's absolutely nothing about this song that's likeable. I actively wish misfortune on the person who made this song and would derive immense personal satisfaction from the knowledge they are miserable.

I wanted to post this, but then realized that I don't know how this shit is called. I hate it without even the slightest understatement. And it was everywhere!

This one, it's incredibly bad and annoying, but luckily it wasn't popular enough (at least, where I live) to drive me insane.

This one, however... Fuck, I was so glad when they finally broke up.
 

Kari Kamiya

"I beat her up, so I gave her a cuck-cup."
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I wanted to post this, but then realized that I don't know how this shit is called. I hate it without even the slightest understatement. And it was everywhere!
I still hear it at the mall. :(

My mom's taste in music is... not good, honestly. But I think it's a tie between these two just because she legit thought they had good beats despite being vapid songs:
 

Wingnut

WARNING: Remove before flight.
kiwifarms.net
A few come to mind just because I have a coworker who listens to a singular radio station, and it seems like they have 7 songs total on their setlist. Old Town Road, Despacito, and Radioactive are my top 3. I also have a personal hatred of anything sung by Adelle, but I especially despise Rolling in the Deep.
 

Beautiful Border

kiwifarms.net
A few come to mind just because I have a coworker who listens to a singular radio station, and it seems like they have 7 songs total on their setlist. Old Town Road, Despacito, and Radioactive are my top 3. I also have a personal hatred of anything sung by Adelle, but I especially despise Rolling in the Deep.
If you can't stand Radioactive then this might make it tolerable. Now whenever I hear it I laugh my ass off

 

Spunt

A Leading Source of Experimental Internet Gas
kiwifarms.net
Reason: Played 9,000 times a year by classic rock stations and I was trapped on jobsites for too many years with all of the radios locked on classic rock.
Fuck this dogshit.

I took my (Boomer personified) dad to a "Classic Rock and Metal Covers Show" (think dive bar covers band but with a budget and professional session musicians), and before they played Hotel California the lead guitarist said "a lot of covers bands play this song but they don't play it properly, we have the right equipment and our bassist used to tour with Don Henley so we're going to play it exactly right the way the Eagles did" blah blah blah.

He then proceeded to royally fuck up the guitar solo.

I don't hate any song as much as I hate this gay thread.
Hey some of us tried really hard to write a good OP and why don't you take your opinion and...
Roxanne is the best Police song.
...ohhhhhhh, right, you're retarded. Never mind.
 

Gig Bucking Fun

The ass was fat
kiwifarms.net
Anything by Billie Eilish. I guess the songs aren’t exactly bad, but holy fuck are they overrated.

They’re so overrated to the point where the only thing I can think about when listening to one of her songs is the sheer amount of undeserved praise for having 100 different writers/sound engineers make songs for her to perform, which is what she is: a performer. Despite what you make think, she’s not a lyricist, composer, writer; she’s a performer. If there’s anything I can say about Eilish’s music, it’s that it helps me appreciate artists who don’t only perform but at least contribute to the creation of the pieces they perform.

PS, Roxanne is a banger.
 

ToroidalBoat

Token Hispanic Friend
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
There's this one country song where the main lyrics are "I just wanna take your time". It's like 2 different styles crammed into one. Speaking of cramming, in one part the lyrics sound like they're crammed in and rushed because the writer didn't pace it well. Also, it's a country song (not much of a fan).

There's also this hip hop song with "my hump my hump my hump" and "my lovely lady lumps". blegh

And of course that one with the "millennial whoop" and "hear me roarrr"...
 

Spunt

A Leading Source of Experimental Internet Gas
kiwifarms.net

Does anyone else remember this or was I just having a brain aneurysm?
You might be interested in Todd in the Shadows' video on the album that came from:
(I know it's TGWTG but he's one of the less obnoxious ones, and usually keeps his idiotic political opinions out of his videos)

Basically, Liz Phair seemed to completely lose touch with reality and thought "Bollywood" and songs like it were innovative acts of musical genius and when her record company (rightly) said that "Bollywood" sounded like musical Ebola she assumed they were just being mean sexist men who were jealous of her talent, she tore up her contract and set fire to her career rather than admit that it wasn't good enough to release.
 
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