Worst lyrics of all time - For the music fans who would rather have a piece of toast than see a ghost

Jeff Boomhauer

Uno! Met your friend in Rio!
Dos! She was all on Me-o!
Tres! We can menage-a-three-o!
- Jason Derulo - Talk Dirty

My feet have been on the floor, flat like an idol singer.
Remember Winger? I digress...
I confess that you are the best thing in my life.
- Train - If It's Love

I'm so gangsta, I'm so thug!
You're the only one I'm dreamin' of!
- Train - Hey, Soul Sister

Baby do you dare to do this?
'Cause I'm comin' at you like a dark horse.
- Katy Perry, completely getting the meaning of the title of her own song wrong.


Sharecropping on Hell's Half Acre
[Verse 1: Project Pat]
If you thinking I'm straight then you better think twice
And you ain't got no cheese then I'm Jekyll and Hyde
'Bout to click on this bitch cause she need to learn me
Beat her with my pistol when I thought she burned me
It's the first of the month, you can call me Sambo
I'mma dick this ho down cause I like to gamble
In her purse I ramble, on her head I trample
Where the hell the damn dough, old silly ass ho
You know green I'm gon' blow and I like to toot snow
Sippin' Yac with your cap is the perfect combo
You can be a Jane Doe if you call the po-po
(I'ma call ya momma up) Bitch that's a no no
Don't get personal, I'll never let go
If you did wanna run you'll get beat to the flo'
I'mma go-rilla pimp you can call me great ape
Knockin' teefus out ya mouth need to get ya shit straight

[Hook: Namond Lumpkin]
I'mma gorilla on the hoes, dig dat
I'mma pimp nigga you ain't know? Dig dat
I'mma a mack mane on the stroll, dig dat
I'm out here trying to make a ho, dig dat
Cause I hustle on the low, dig dat
I ain't tryin' to go for broke, dig dat
So bitch don't try me ho, dig dat
If you do I'mma cut ya throat, dig dat

[Verse 2: Pat]
Talkin' smart to a pimp you done broke the first rule
I'mma come on your job I'mma act a damn fool
When ya boss walk in I'mma play it off cool
If he step in our biz I'mma slap his ass too
All that loud talkin ho need to gon' settle down
'Fore you friend have to pick ya ass up off the ground
I got love for ya purse meaning that I love you
Married to this cheese first and I'm screamin' I do
No money for a mack mean drama for a ho
Paramedics toting you through the trauma center do'
Busted lips, broken leg, but I got my bank roll
Tried to put a struggle up so she got her eye swoll
Buying you Taco Bell but a pimp eating Steak
Corn bread, collard greens, chit-a-lings on my plate
Always late for a date and she always trippin'
She can hate my fuckin guts but she lovin' my pimpin'


[Verse 3: Pat]
Mixin' game with some Yac is a deadly potion
If I hit it from the back bitch I want devotion
In ya pussy strokin', ho a pimp is spoken
DOA if you try to play my emotions
I'mma crack a ho's dome I ain't broke the damn law
'Nother nigga my phone so I broke the bitches jaw
You done quit ya damn job and you need to start hoin'
Boostin clothes playin tricks cause a pimp ain't goin
In the club shakin ass they can bring plenty cash
But ya get mo' loot with a VIP pass
Say ya ass got robbed when ya shoulda give 'em hundred?
Now you get the fuck up out of here, go and get the money
You's dummy tryin' to pop phoning me a get ya killed
Bitch I ain't the chargee I'mma charge you for real
So don't get it twisted I'm the pimp you the bitch
Either bring the loot quick or you get ya throat slit

I'mma Gorilla on the hoes.

Jeff Boomhauer

Speaking of late/early Christmas lyrics:

"It's the holiday season,
with the whoop-de-doo, and dickory dock."
- Andy Williams


"Wah wah wah, bitch, I'm Li'l Baby."
- Lil Baby, Yes Indeed

"Usopp's doing that marksman thing,
Sanji's cookin', Chopper's doctorin'!"
- The final version of 4kids' One Piece rap. Also some of the best lyrics ever.

"I am fucking Sonic"
- One of DarksydePhil's pre-stream songs, making Chris jealous
That's not actually what the song is about, but it's funnier this way.

Nick Obre

Tightwads and nitwits and critics and heels
Vicarious by Tool is a pretty decent song that talks about people's morbid curiosity and our collective fascination with tragedy and suffering (which we're no strangers with). The lyrics are alright, sometimes trying to go a little too poetic for their own good, but they work. Until they hit this line

"We all feed
on tragedy
It's like blood to a vampire"

Doesn't just throw subtlety into the trash, it doesn't even fit the metric of the song, and it's right before the climax.

"Are we human? Or are we dancer?" (No, that's not a typo.)
- The Killers - Human
"I got soul but I'm not a soldier"
-Also The Killers - All these things I've done

I liked when Bill Bailey took the piss on it.
"I got ham but I'm not a hamster"

Slimy Time

Long and lanky.
One I always remember is Rihanna's Birthday Cake
"Cake, cake, cake, cake
Cake, cake, cake, cake
Cake, cake, cake, cake
Cake, cake, cake"
That's the key part of the song, apparently took a lot of people to write it.
Yeah, right, picture that with a Kodak
Or better yet, go to Times Square
Take a picture of me with a Kodak

Pitbull, "Give Me Everything"
That did lead to that troll attempt turned cool where Pitbull held an online poll as to where he should go perform next and people voted for Kodiak, Alaska (close enough), basically bumfuck nowhere. Guy still went and performed there, so that was kinda nice.


Danke Yung Hurn, du bist der Beste
True & Honest Fan
It is from German rap, Eko Fresh

You live at the junkyard and punch the punching bag
On stage I bite the head off a bat

All Cops Are Based

"Be aware before crossing the road
My little cat
Be aware before crossing the road
You nice dog
Be aware before crossing the road
Spiky hedgehog
Be aware before crossing the road
Long ears rabbit

Be aware before crossing the road
Frog and pimply toad
Be aware before crossing the road
Creeping caterpillar
Be aware before crossing the road
Little singing cricket
Be aware before crossing the road
Butterfly bird and owl

I hate you, fucking cars, cause you kill the animals
Grinding their bones, bursting their veins and making them agonize
I will crush you as you crush them, you will taste my lunar sword
You won't be able to run anymore, you will become a scraphead!"
- Nuit Noire, "Scrapheap"

Governor Jeb Bush

There's a remix of 'Bad' by MJ with Pitbull on it, done by Afrojack.

The newly added Pitbull lines-

Love it or hate it, it's Mr. Worldwide
With the world greatest
You gonna play this
Well, like a woman that's pregnant for ten months
Be the latest
Don't delay this
I'm on that
Roll it
Making a toast to the king
MJ for life
I mess with good women
But you know that they bad
That's right...

round robin

There's plenty of 90 stream of consciousness that sounds better than Eddie on Yellow Ledbetter. I'd much rather hear Live shitposting about placentas and crying dolphins or Soul Coughing mumbling about letting the man roll through then hear Veder doing his best incoherent hobo Vietnam vet impression.
Speaking of which, STP were the kings of nonsense 90s alternative lyrics. Scott Weiland just really didn't give a fuck and it shows:

I am smellin' like the rose
That somebody gave me
On my birthday deathbed
Dead and Bloated

I am I am I said I'm not myself, but I'm not dead and I'm not for sale
So keep your bankroll lottery eat your salad day deathbed motorcade
Trippin' on a Hole in a Paper Heart

Where ya goin' for tomorrow?
Where ya goin' with the mask I found?
And I feel, and I feel when the dogs begin to smell her
Will she smell alone?

Jeff Boomhauer

"Thank you, next"
- Ariana Grande, giving false ammunition to Twitter tards everywhere

"Who can relate?! WOO!"
- Logic, Suicide Hotline

"I make dollars, I make billions.
I'm a genius - I mean, BRILLIANT!"
- Pitbull, Feel This Moment

Jeff Boomhauer

"Like John and Yoko,
Like Ice-T and Coco,
Like Jay-Z and Beyonce,
Come and be my fiance."
- Michael Franti and Spearhead, I'm Alive